


Dying Lights and wet Matches

by LeoLea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angry Dean, Castiel is a dork, Child Abuse, Dean Has Issues, Dean Swears, Dean and Lucifer are BFF, Drug Use, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Dean, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Multi, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Teenage Castiel/Teenage Dean Winchester, Underage Smoking, and bad at feelings, dean is a bit mean, like a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-05-29 13:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 43,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6376192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoLea/pseuds/LeoLea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean had given up hope along time  ago,the now 16 year old lived alone with his dad since his mother left them 13 years ago.<br/>His dad was at his best times just drunk not to mention his bad days. So after a harsh beating dean just needed to get out of the cramped motel room,<br/>but he didnt thought this would turn his life upside down.<br/>Suddenly he was shipped to his mother and step dad and apparently he also had a brother?! But this wasn't his only problem , getting new friends and managing school was thougher than he thought and then he meet this strange boy with the strange name Castiel who was the first human being on earth that wasn't bothered with deans flaws,</p><p> so maybe it wasn't that bad at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On a scale from 1 to 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean had a bad feeling about this town , turns out he was right

If somebody asked dean to rate his life on a scale from 1 to 10 , he would say it was a 2 sometimes even a 1. His dad moved constantly, they arrived a week ago in another shitty town because his dad lost his last job. But not because of the poor economic situation but because he decided it would be brilliant idea , to go to work a bit too tipsy and picked up a totally stupid fight with a customer, that nearly ended with his dad beating this poor guy ,that forced his chef to kick him out or the customer would call the cops on him which dean didn’t blame him for . not that it bother dean the last town they lived in was with far the worst in the last year .the people there stared at him like he was some kind of alien and the shops had security cameras so it pretty much sucked . This town again was no difference but at least the shops still believed in the goodwill of the people .

Dean stayed mostly in their room when his dad worked. His life was fucking boring he didn’t go to school anymore because of the constant moving it was just too annoying to fill the paper work ,but he had some online classes but the rest of the day he wandered around the town. So he came to a point where he started to miss school which sounds really strange for every student who is forced to go there. his dad ,wasted all their money on alcohol and worked here as a mechanic, maybe they would stay a bit longer just a bit dean thought he knew his life wasn’t normal and he didn’t care about the fact that they never stayed at a place longer than 3 months but he was lonely and yes he knows how pathetic it sounds but he couldn’t remember the last time he had an actual friend .when he still went to school he moved before he could build any kind of friendship and now it was even harder. Besides his dad the only persons he talked to were online on a different continent so yeah his social life was non-existent.  
He grabbed his coat and walked out of the room, his dad wouldn’t come home in the next 2 hours but he needed to get out of this cramped room or he would explode any second. He opened the door and looked around, this places was filled with hookers and junkies so nobody bat an eye on him .the freezing cold crept through his clothes and he shivered violently, god he hated this town, it was fucking september , why was it this cold?. The last 3 days it just rained nonstop, but today the weather god decided to be a bit nicer but still far from bearable .at least they don’t have to sleep in the car he thought as he walked through the town. Why on earth does every crappy small town look the same?

It was like a bad movie where the supervillain cloned a whole city and made them mindless slaves .he walked past a small convenience store. Maybe he would go later shopping but his wallet told him something different ,so he would borrow it from the store for an unlimited amount of time ,because stealing was such a nasty word, but yeah when he started to steal or like he rather says borrows he felt at first quite awful to be honest but an empty stomach is really convincing after a few days. today he didn’t care anymore it became to somehow a routine in his life .this shop was laughable easy ,the shopkeeper was an naïve middle aged man who was maybe a bit short-sighted. He went past, it not today he thought, he didn’t feel like it .therefore he just wandered around until it got so dark and cold that he had to go back. He walked slowly, enjoying every second he was free from his probably now drunk dad. 

He opened the door of their room as quiet as possible but that didn’t stop his dad to notice. “where have you been?” he slurred , his breath smelling like cheap booze “out “dean said simply ,which was the wrong answer “don’t you dare to talk to me like that! “ he said and grabbed dean by the shoulders .”didn’t I teach you manners?” he said angrily raising his voice even more “I’m sorry sir “ dean said quick as he tried to save the situation . But the face ,john made said clearly that it was going downhill from here. “Don’t you lie to me you brat “he spat. “I didn’t-“his dad hit him with the force off a monster truck in the face “No backtalk” he yelled. Dean stumbled backwards the next hit came and then the next one ,until dean was quite sure that this was it. He’s gonna die now, his dad finally killed him. He was actually really glad when he lost consciousness .

At this moment he didn’t blame his mother that he left them maybe his dad hit her too and she couldn’t bear it anymore. The only part that pissed him off was that she didn’t take him with her, he knew that the guy she cheated her dad on maybe didn’t want to have a kid that is not his own but still why didn’t his mother take him with her? Perhaps dean reminded her of his dad and when she left she was pregnant with another kid possibly from her affair, therefore leaving dean behind would erase all the bad memories she had with him. When dean woke up, he was actually surprised that he woke up, he had a hell of a headache and his face felt like it was crushed in thousands pieces. He looked around his dad slept on the bed deeply snoring. He scrambled to his feet. Everything was shaking around him but after a few seconds his brain decided to work properly again. He went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He had a huge bruise on his cheek and a black eye .his face was covered in crusted blood, he didn’t remember that his nose was bleeding. With some paper tissues and some water he scrapped the blood from his face .God he look horrible not to mention this was actually his last clean hoodie and now it was covered in crusted blood, great. He walked to his duffle bag and fished a not so bad smelling shirt out of it and changed. His whole body ached .when he finally was fully dressed again he left again.  
Logically this would be a pretty bad idea but his brain was too beaten to be logical right now, so he forced his feet to work and walked to the convenience store. It was already open and he walked in the back of the store before he took a sandwich and a pack of toothpaste and slipped it in the pockets of his jacket .maybe it was because his brain was too mashed or that he had just really bad luck that he didn’t hear the person behind him. “ohh I wouldn’t steal that “said a stern male voice and dean thought he’s gonna faint any second .  
God it wasn’t his week .


	2. The universe is a bitch PART 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted to punch the officer , why on earth did he care?

Dean froze “Turn around “said the voice . Dean knew he didn’t have a chance to run out or escape in anyway , good job he thought . First his dad beat the shit out of him now he was caught stealing , what the hell is wrong with him that the universe hates him so much .

His mind screamed at him, he didn’t know what to do, so the only option was to turn around . The voice belonged to an tall man .Dean looked at him with shocked eyes, not only got he caught stealing ,no he also got caught from maybe the only police officer in this shit town .Good job dean , you can be really proud of yourself .

The tall man who was surprisingly quite young glared at dean , his gaze stayed on deans face for a while before he said “empty your pockets “Dean didn’t move he just stood there frozen in place , the police officer got seemingly annoyed with him “empty your pockets I’m not gonna repeat myself” he said .Slowly dean pulled the stolen toothpaste and the sandwich out of his pockets. .the officer kind of looked shocked ,somehow dean knew that usually teenagers steal booze or cigarettes but then again he needed this stuff more .

”Care to explain?” he asked and looked at him , dean couldn’t get a word out he was all of the sudden mute .Like a dying fish he opened his mouth a few times but closed it immediately .”hmm?” dean shifted uneasily “uhmm I didn’t mean to steal it ? I just put that in my pockets so I have my hands free. “He said after he finally found his voice again but that was a bad lie like this officer had to be brain-dead to believe him . The officer actually chuckled “ Of course , that’s the worst lie I’ve heard this week”

“but only this week so some are worse “dean said . shit did he say that out loud? The officer laugh “you are brave kid “yeah bravery wasn’t something he needed right now , he would definitely change it against an emergency exist or any other way out of this situation “right .. give me your id “ without a word dean handed him his id ,he couldn’t get out of it he knew that .”well dean ..Winchester .. I have to talk to your parents “ “they work “ dean said quickly “then we go to the police department and wait until they come home “

ohh come on could this guy not just wink him off and forget about it dean thought angrily he should have stayed on the floor and be unconscious for a bit longer. “please sir? Could you not call my parents?” he said and tried to look as guilty as possible .”sorry but no I think I need a good talk with them , you look like you get in lots of trouble “ he said and gestured to the bruises “sport accident “ dean lied , the officer only raised his eyebrows . “so where do you live? “

Dean signed “the motel down the road “ He looked suspicious at dean “really?” dean simply nodded “well then come with me “ he said and walked with dean out of the shop .the first thing what snapped in deans mind was that he could run now , maybe he could outrun him .But before he could get a feet away from the officer he grabbed him at the shoulder ,it didn’t look like he saw dean wince “Don’t force me to handcuff you .” he said serious.

Okay so now this guy was even a mind reader, could this day get any worse , ohh wait it would dean thought.

He sat on the backseat and the officer turned the car on “ This is the last chance I’m giving you to say me where you really live “ he looked at him in the driving mirror .”It’s the motel down the road , I’m not lying “ dean said coldly and tried to glare at the officer. “well then “ he drove for about 5 minutes until he parked the car on an empty parking spot .

”Which room?” he asked as he opened deans door and dean stood up awkwardly “5” dean said through his teeth panic was bubbling up inside him . The officer knocked still not losing sight of dean. First nothing happened , dean was somewhat relieved , everything was easier than facing his dad but then he heard shuffling sounds and knew he was fucked ”what?” his dad said as he opened the door.  
God dean could smell the booze immediately “Mr Winchester?” the officer asked his dad eyed them angrily “yeah?” “your son was caught stealing “and then hell broke lose. “you did WHAT” he stormed out of the room and grabbed him by the throat “you fucking bastard” the officer grabbed his Dad and tore his dad of him. his dad was still screaming “you idiot good for nothing “until the officer wrestled him down on the ground but that didn’t stop the insults ,he was thrashing around like a maniac .

the officer ordered backup and with enough force he got his dad in the backseat. But his dad ,still angry ,was yelling and screaming which was muffled through the police car.

Dean just stared at the whole scene .

He grabbed his throat , that’s gonna bruise for sure he thought. But well this was sorta unexpected , he knew that hell would break lose but that his dad was still or already this drunk not to realise that it wouldn’t be the best idea to strangle your kid in front of an actual police officer was somehow surprising. So he was really fucked now.  
The police officer came back to him “do you need an ambulance?” dean shook his head “that was your dad” “yep “ dean said and shit his voice was wrecked . “Does he drink a lot “ another nod , why lie now? It was already too late for that

“ Did he do that to you” he said and gestured to the bruises on his face , another nod .Dean lifted his shirt to show his battered stomach .The officer palled like a ghost .After that everything was blurry , Dean was brought to the police station ,this crappy town actually had a pretty big police station , and was question from different officers .”we are calling CPS” said one older officer .

That’s was the point when the stress took over and dean puked right before him .

He should have definitely stayed in their room today.


	3. The universe is a bitch PART 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is waiting at the police station just for anything to happen

““How are you feeling?” asked the officer that started all this shit.

Oh what a brilliant question, he’s feeling phenomenal, why shouldn’t he? His dad only tried to kill him 2 times in the last 24 hours and now he had the CPS around his neck, yes truly he’s feeling phenomenal.

Dean glared at the officer with so much hate, he could manage at this time. But he looked more like an angry wet cat that had an unpleasant meeting with a wrecking ball.

The officer sighed “we don’t want to harm you, Dean! We want to help you, your father is a dangerous man and he could have killed you.” 

Dean was aware of that, he wasn’t stupid for god’s sake even though he let his dad beat the shit out of him on a daily basis. 

“He just had a bad day “ Dean mumbled , before every normal person came to him and shake him until he realised that his dad always had bad days , Dean explained himself “I mean please ,sir. I just have my dad.” 

The officer looked at him with pity. He looked clearly uncomfortable with this whole situation. He signed again, god could he please stop signing Dean thought.

” We will find you a better place, it’s better for you to live somewhere else where he can’t hurt you “ 

“yeah that’s totally how CPS works “said Dean dryly , he gets sent to a foster family that only took him because of the money and then the day he will turn 18 they kick him out with a big smile on their face, yes that made his situation so much better. 

“It’s not that bad “said the officer, now Dean got furious “how do you know, sir?” he spat.

The officer looked now like Dean kicked him in the nuts, “Dean I know it’s hard but he could have killed you ““better than CPS “Dean mumbled.

”Well … somebody from the CPS is coming in the next hour, do you need anything?” Dean just glared at him with hateful eyes and shook his head. The officer left, maybe he should have asked for some pain killers but then again he doubt it that he would get some.

So now he was sitting in the middle of this police department, a blanket wrapped around him because why not? The police officers that carried on with their work , glanced at him every time he moved, so running away wasn’t an option.

He looked at the big clock in the Department, it was only eleven a ’clock, this day only gets worse Dean thought. Then exactly 47 minutes and 30 seconds later, yes Dean was that bored, a woman came in the police station, she was tall but chubby maybe in her forties. She talked with one officer that than gestured to him. Great.

“This is Mrs Rogers, Dean she is from the CPS “Dean nodded along but still glared at them like they were the devil in person.

“Could we maybe talk somewhere less crowed “Mrs rogers asked? The officer nodded and they followed them into a small office. Dean slumped down the chair 

“Hello Dean, I’m Sophie Rogers “she said and smiled at him “you had a really stressful day, right? And I don’t want to stress you more I just want to ask you some questions “dean nodded again.

God he was pissed, “so you live alone with your dad?” dean nodded “For how long?” “13 years” Mrs Rogers looked a bit horrified 

“You lived in the Motel with your dad?” Dean nodded again, she scribbled it on a small notebook down. “How long are you living here?” “A week “now she looked somehow surprised

“ohh, where did you live before?” “Everywhere, we moved a lot “she scribbled that down again “why if you don’t mind asking?” 

ohh he did mind but then again he didn’t care he was too tired to come up with a lie somebody actually would believe him.

“My dad always lost his jobs after a few weeks or month “ 

“Didn’t you go to school?”

Dean signed “I went to school until high school then I took some online classes “ she didn’t look convinced . 

“Did your dad drink often?” 

“Depends on how you define often “Dean said with a cold smile

“did he drink every day?”

“Yup” Dean said and popped the p on the end of it. 

“Did he hit you when he was intoxicated?”

Dean didn’t like the direction this was going “yeah” he mumbled 

“well Dean I’m really sorry that happened to you, we will find a better solution for you but first I have to record your injuries, for that he have to go to the hospital, is that okay?”

why did she even ask? It’s not like Dean could say no and that was it. So he just nodded. They drove with an officer to the nearby hospital where they record ever scrap and bruise on his body. Dean felt like a guinea pig.

At least the doctor who looked at him, had a poker face as he noted everything down. Dean had a bigger amount of scars on his body nobody should have and certainly not somebody his age. The doctor was currently at the back of his head 

“How did that happened?” he asked as he brushed one of his gloved fingers over a nearly faded scar 

“hit me with a bottle “ Dean said without any emotion. 

The doctor didn’t answer him and just carried on. After what if felt like forever, they were finished. Apparently he had a mild concussion and two bruised ribs but nothing that was more severe. 

“Dean you did a great job “said Mrs what-was-her-name-again

“We can’t let you stay at the police department the whole time so we will give you a place in one our living groups until we find a better place for you “Dean looked in her friendly eyes god he wanted to kill here right now. 

She talked with an officer and then they drove back to their Motel room so dean could grab all his stuff, which fitted all in his duffle bag and his backpack .

Mrs what-was-her-name-again looked through the room like it was the worst place possible, okay it smelled like cheap booze and mold but it wasn’t that bad. After that the drove to one of the “living groups” .

The house actually looked quite nice and a friendly looking couple opened the door. 

“Mr and Mrs Thomas? This is dean, we are really glad that you had a place for him “

”hello Dean “said Mr Thomas and smiled at him “would you like to come in?”

dean shrugged and followed them 

“our other kids are right now at the cinema” Mr Thomas paused “would you like to watch some TV while we discuss something with Mrs Rogers”

Ahh that was her name! 

Dean shrugged again and sat down the large and comfy sofa in the living room. He didn’t really pay much attention for the TV programme 

“..Severe case of physical abuse” Mrs Rogers whispered.

“His father did that?” Mrs Thomas asked

“yes his father was highly intoxicated when we found him” 

“does he have any relatives?”

“His mother, we are trying to contact her.”

Ohh great yeah like she would take him? She hadn’t cared for him in the last 13 years, so why now? 

Damn the universe hated him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess i just give you guys some more chapters, just because i'm a nice person so here is it:D


	4. The devil in Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets the devil who just happened to be his short-term roommate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter just because i can and because i don't have wifi tomorrow :D so here you go

Mrs Rogers left after she informed them about anything that cause a problem, so she told them everything. 

Mr and Mrs Thomas walked in the living room, dean who still acted like was actually watching the shit reality series that was playing and not eavesdropping their whole conversation looked up.  
“Hello Dean I’m Jerry and this is my wife Anna “ Mr Thomas said he looked like one of the actors in this stupid kids shows with his all too friendly smile. 

“We can show you your room if you want” dean nodded along and got up.

The rooms were upstairs, they had currently 5 other children here and dean would share a room with another boy his age. Dean hope for his the sake of god that the boy would leave him alone. His room was actually not that bad two big bed two wardrobes two desk and the whole room was painted in a light blue.

The boy who lived with him seemed a bit messy and he had a guitar so maybe he wasn’t that bad. They asked dean if he had anymore question when dean gave them a clear no they left him to relax a bit in his room. Dean threw his duffle bag on the desk and slumped down the bed. 

Dean fell asleep because honestly this day was stressful, first he woke up with the biggest headache he ever had , then some asshole of officer caught him stealing and then his dad tried to kill him and now he is here. Maybe he could relax here a bit before he got shipped off to somebody else. 

That the CPS considered his mother as the best place to live for him was more than a joke for dean , not only had his so called mother an affair with somebody else no she ran away like a coward and left dean with his dad , goddamn he was 3 years old. What did a 3 year old kid to deserve that? Maybe he could ask her that when he would meet her, if she would take him and dean wouldn’t be all to surprised if she wouldn’t. Maybe he would then go to another family until he’s 18 and everyone could finally fuck off. 

“helloooo please don’t be dead in my room ?”Asked a young voice.

Dean startled awake and looked panicked around. A boy his age maybe a bit smaller as him stood in the middle of the room and grinned at him. 

”hello Mr living punching bag nice to meet you “said the boy and grinned wider. 

”hey “dean rasped. 

The boy walked to the other bed and sat down. “Man I wasn’t sure if I should ask you why you are here but your face was the answer, damn somebody was angry “dean didn’t know if he wanted to punch this kid or laugh with him. 

He sat up and looked at the boy, he had short blond hair and broad shoulders.

“you aren’t much of a talker ?” he asked

“uhm I don’t know you ?” dean said 

“Oh sorry ,where are my manners “he laughed “my name is Lucifer , the devil in person” 

Oh please let this be a joke dean thought “you are kidding right?”

The boy , Lucifer laughed even harder “nah sorry ,that’s my name “ 

“who the fuck names their kid Lucifer “ dean asked bluntly,

” My really crazy Christian father “he said and nearly died laughing.  
This has to be a really fucked up dream dean thought , yep this had to be a dream maybe his dad hit him with enough force that he had some brain damage and everything what happened today was just a dream of his half-dead brain .

”Man you look pale , don’t faint on me , please?” said the Lucifer boy.

“ohh come one that’s not your real name “dean said and looked him in the eyes. 

He signed and stood up. Why the fuck is everyone signing around him? And where is this guy going? He went to his jacket which laid over one of the chairs and fumbled a wallet out of it.  
“Here “he threw a card at him 

“what’s that ?” dean aske dump fooled

“god its my ID “dean looked at it and he was right “Lucifer Anderson “ he read , okay that was embarrassing.

“well believe me now?”

“Sorry man “mumbled dean. 

“No problem I get that sometimes , always fun to see the face of the people when I tell them my name.” he grinned “what your name by the way?”

“dean Winchester “ said dean and smiled weakly

“well dean I guess we are roomies now, so first a few question ?”dean froze in the place 

“first one do you smoke? “ohhh thank god dean thought he wouldn’t survive another integration 

“yep” Lucifer smiled sinister.

“Great. You take any other stuff?”  
“Just pot “dean said. Lucifer’s smile grew wider

“ohh we gonna have an awesome time “if that was a promise or a threat dean didn’t know to be honest 

“okay ... Great?” Lucifer laughed

“you my friend have a lot to learn “before neither of them could say anything the door knocked

“boys? Dinners ready!” 

“Come on “Lucifer said and dean followed him in the dining-room. The other kids a girl which was maybe one year younger than him ,another girl maybe around 10 and two young boys already sat on the big dining table. 

“well this id dean “said Mrs Thomas “this is Greg and Dave “she gestured to the boys “this is Emma “the older girl “and this is Lisa” the smaller one. 

“I see that you and luc already got to know each other” she smiled and them 

“yeah dean-o is a great guy “said Lucifer and clapped him on the shoulder which startled dean a bit but nobody seemed to notice or mention it. 

They sat down and before they started to eat Mr Thomas said a prayer. Lucifer right beside him rolled his eyes and dean snickered which caused Mr Thomas to glance up. OH shit dean thought but nothing happened and then they all started to eat.

Dean was silent most of the time only when somebody asked a question that was directed to him he answered. They talked a bit about the day and explained dean a bit more about his life here that he should tell them when he goes somewhere else or that he should be home before dinner and that he shouldn’t go alone because he didn’t knew this area. Dean just nodded along. Could be worse he would say.

Dean groaned, why was he still tired? He already slept? Lucifer groaned shortly after him 

“dean do you want to go to bed? You had a really stressful day “

Dean nodded but before he could stand up Lucifer said “well I’m going to I don’t want to wake him and I’m tired too” he smiled innocently .

Mr Thomas nodded and both of them went to their room. Dean sank down on his bed 

“hey dean-o don’t sleep!” what the? 

“Why?” he asked confused. Lucifer turned the key around

“because now the fun starts “he grinned “they are watching tv now so we can go “

he opened the window and climbed outside “wait what? Are you sure?”

”Yes for hells sake “dean followed him.  
They climbed down and sneaked out of the huge garden. 

“Where are we going? “dean asked he stilled wasn’t sure why he followed him  
“just wait “said Lucifer as they walked down the street until they stood in front of a skate park .small groups of teenagers were hanging around. Lucifer walked to a group that sat next to a halfpipe  
“LUC “one of them yelled as they were a few feet away 

“Gabe I’m not deaf you fucker “said Lucifer and laughed “who’s that? “Asked Gabe “this my friends is dean we are roomies now “said Lucifer  
“well hello dean welcome here in this shithole, want some?”

Gabe asked and hold the lit joint to dean, well that was an offer you couldn’t say no to.

Maybe this would turn out fine.


	5. The devil smokes pot and the fallen angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is the first time actually happy in his life but for how long?

He sat down with the others ,after some actually an impressive amount of hits Lucifer grinned even wider and his eyes became glassy. He turned to Dean, he remembered him of the cherisher cat from Alice in wonderland.

“who actually punched you?” deans mind was far to stoned to be bother with this blunt question . 

“My dad was kinda angry you know? Punched me in the face and that shit but he did that before you know?” said dean and drank something from the beer bottle Gabe gave him earlier.

”Damn shit , parents suck how did you get caught?” asked Lucifer and nipped from another bottle 

“a cop caught me stealing and this fucker wanted to talk to my parents so brought me to my dad and he freaked out , nearly strangled me and stuff and now I’m here “ dean said and laugh , why did he laugh that wasn’t even funny? But right now everything was.

” man that sucks but you have company here “ said Lucifer

“what “asked dean confused .

”everyone here has shitty parents “he gestured to the group

“mike and Gabe there have tons of other siblings like their parents aren’t able to use a condom “the whole group laughed

“and Ralph here his dad went to grab some cigarettes 15 years ago “ the whole group laughed again 

“And then my parents believed in some crazy religious shit like school is corrupting our mind and stuff and now I’m here stuck with theses fuckers” the whole group was shaking from laughing 

.”so welcome to the fallen kids , you have company here “said Lucifer and joined the laughter.

They talked the whole evening until everyone went slowly home. The way back to their house was a bit more complicated when you are stoned realised dean as he nearly ran against the fence.

They scrambled through the window .Lucifer nearly fell from the roof. Dean caught him and pulled him in the room, they laid down on their beds.  
”dean” slurred the half asleep Lucifer

“yeah?” 

“you are awesome dean-o” dean smiled 

“you too Lucy “

“ohh shut up “ he said and threw a pillow.  
After that they fell asleep. Dean didn’t dream at all and he would say that this was the best and peaceful sleep he had in a long time. 

Only a loud knock woke them up “boys breakfast is ready “ said Mrs Thomas dean and Lucifer groaned. 

“What the hell “ 

“you say hell a lot , you realise that “ dean stated.

Lucifer smiled wide “I have to live up to my name , you know? “and they both bursted out laughing .

The day was boring if you asked dean, it was Sunday and they all went to church dean was totally underdressed for the whole church thing and couldn’t keep himself from giggling like a school girl when Lucifer whispered under his breath “hail Satan “ every time the priest mention the word god . 

“you are an awful person” dean whispered after the last comment from him , Lucifer just turned his face and whispered

“I know that’s why its funny “ and dean grinned like an idiot .

Even though he only knew Lucifer for like one day he would consider him as a friend more than anyone in his life before. 

“rot in hell “ said Lucifer when the priest finished his speech. Thank god everyone stood up because dean couldn’t keep himself from laughing. 

The Thomas were this typical churchgoing couple so of course they talked with everyone for at least 10 minutes before the finally left .  
After that Lucifer and Dean excused themselves and went to the skate park of course they didn’t told them that they are going there, Lucifer told Mr Thomas that he would show dean around the town .

”so can I ask you something?” dean asked as they walked down the street , they took the regular way because sneaking out would be a bit suspicious on a Sunday noon.

“Yeah sure why not “said Lucifer 

“how long have you been staying here?”

“hmm lemme think something around 3 years” okay dean didn’t expect that 

“ohh” that was the only thing he got out  
“ yeah “Lucifer laughed “do you know how long you will be staying?” 

dean shrugged “the CPS woman said that they want to contact my mum , dunno if she takes me “ 

“ohh your mum left?”

“Yeah when I was 3, she fucked another guy and got pregnant “Lucifer looked at him 

“sorry to say that but your mum is a bitch “dean laughed and nodded. 

They arrived at the skate park and just chilled with the others, dean started to really like them, he hoped and yes that sounds maybe to some people a bit strange that his mum wouldn’t take him. Just for once should the universe care about him and give him this wish. Just one time dean thought. They went home for dinner pretty stoned but dean could hide it same with Lucifer.

Mr Thomas told dean that they got a message from the CPS lady who told them that his mum was currently not reachable and that they would get more information tomorrow. So dean didn’t have to go to school tomorrow which wasn’t so unpleasant for him. The rest of the evening they spend watching some childish Disney film before Lucifer and dean went to their room. 

Dean thought Lucifer was already asleep when he suddenly asked “you think you mum will take you?” 

“I don’t want her to” said dean. 

That was true “good , you seem like an awesome guy “ Lucifer said and groaned

“stop with your sissy shit “dean said  
“you know you ruin a perfectly good moment damn dean I need to teach you some class “they both giggled.  
“yeah “dean mumbled before he fell asleep.

He thought that there was a good chance his mother would say no or he definitely hoped so.  
he was afraid of the other option, he didn’t knew this woman and she had a kid with another guy so when dean would pop up all surprise she wouldn’t be so happy about it but then again dean didn’t know her .  
Perhaps she was nice? Okay who was he kidding which nice mother would leave her son with an abusive drunk. So this was a ride downhill , dean hoped with all his heart that she would say no and he could stay here just for a bit ? it’s actually nice here and he really like Lucifer. 

The next morning he was waken up by an alarm clock

“ugh I don’t wanna “Lucifer complained as he rubbed his eyes

“good luck in school” dean said and grinned 

“ahh fuck off “ Lucifer spat  
. Dean laid wide grinning on the bed while Lucifer dressed himself clumsy like a drunken giant.

“See you later “he said as he grabbed his bag and left.  
And now dean didn’t know what to do, he stayed at the room for a while before his grumbling stomach ordered him downstairs for breakfast.  
He spent most of the day watching tv and then he already had forgotten about it the door rang and 

Mrs cps-lady stood in the door frame “dean “ she smiled “I have news for you “she said .

please don’t take me mum he thought “your mother is happy about the opportunity to take you “

Ohh come on, fuck you universe “ohh that are good news Dean aren’t they?” nope not good at all 

“when?” Dean rasped

“i could bring you to her right now she only lives 1 and a half hours away “ said Mrs CPS-woman ,Dean frankly shook his head 

“ I need to talk to Lucifer first “ 

“he comes home in about 1 hour “ Mrs Thomas said  
“ I can wait “ Mrs CPS-bitch said.

Okay you know what, fuck everything, dean thought .


	6. Don't be sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has something nice but then life is a bitch again.

Dean would give right now everything for not being here.  
He wished that the floor would burst under his feet and he would fall down into an endless hole. He felt like his stomach was sinking every second he was standing here. 

Okay so maybe he wasn’t clear enough fuck you universe, yeah fuck you. He was the first time happy in his life , okay he was only two days here but he never felt better (only partly because of the pot) and now he has to go , come on this was just a sick joke right? No wait his life was a sick joke . 

He cursed his dad right now for not hitting him hard enough . Damn what did he do wrong? It was like the world hated him for his pure existence and wanted to remind him in every way possible. 

“How are you feeling” asked Mrs-i-ruin-everything .

Dean just stared at her for a second and then shrugged “surprised I guess” he gritted through his teeth. 

“What do you mean?” Dean just shook his head , no he wouldn’t converse with her why should he?  
He just looked at the tv again ignoring everything around him. 

But he couldn’t stop himself from asking “Has she more kids?” yes of course she would she carried on with her life ,she was already pregnant when she left. 

“yes…she has a 13 year old son” told you Dean thought and scratched his neck.

Dean would go in a family which lived 13 year perfectly without him ,awesome , this is gonna be the worst. Dean starred at the tv screen again, he was tense from head to toe and nearly fell from the sofa when the door opened. The rest of the kids came home but all stop in their tracks when they saw the scene in the living room.  
“what?” Lucifer asked baffled.  
Mr Thomas turned to them “sadly dean will be leaving us today but- “

“what??” Lucifer interrupted. He looked truly shocked dean felt even worse because of that. 

Mr Thomas carried on talking but Dean didn’t listen , he stared at Lucifer who just started to look extremely pissed.

”Dean you can visit us any time you want “deans head snapped back to Mr Thomas  
“ye-yeah” he stuttered. 

“well I help you to pack your things “ said Lucifer harsh his teeth clapped together that dean thought they might shatter. 

Lucifer turned around and walked down the stairs. Dean sprang up and followed him quickly 

“look I’m sorry “ Dean said and closed the door behind them .Lucifer stood with his back to him  
“I know it’s not your fault I guess , I’m just angry “ he said and kicked a pillow that laid on the ground 

“she only lives 1 and a half hours away I’m gonna visit you “

Lucifer turned to him “sure you will Dean-o” and smiled broken . 

“wait I give you my number so we stay in contact you know?” Dean nodded eagerly .

He grabbed his bag as Lucifer scribbled his number down. “here” he said and handed dean the piece of paper

“see you soon Lucy “

”ohm you will dean-o” again Lucifer looked like it was both a threat and a promise.

They walked down the stairs and after a formal goodbye to the rest of the family , dean followed Mrs cps-is-good-for-nothing to her car. He threw his bag on the backseat and sat down starring out of the window until he couldn’t see the house of the Thomas anymore. 

Mrs-happy-to-ruin-deans-life tried to start a conversation “are you nervous to see your mum?” she asked and looked in the driving mirror .

”Nope”dean said and made it very clear that he wasn’t in the mood for any kind of conversation.  
She tried it again a few time through the whole ride but dean either didn’t answer or just gave one word answers. The ride to his mum’s house was nerve wracking. 

He didn’t know what he expected as they said to him that his mother would take him, he thought maybe she lived in some of these rubbish trailer parks with her boyfriend she run off with or maybe in some crappy apartment building, but they drove through a neighbourhood that looked like an architects wet dream,damn these houses looked like they cost an fortune , that couldn’t be the place his mother lived ? but then the car stopped in front of these house, okay enough with the jokes that wasn’t his mothers house? 

“That’s the house “well damn thought dean as he saw this huge massive house in front of him. The toilets must be bigger than every room he ever lived in. they walked to the front door even the door looked fancy. 

“You ready?” dean nodded sternly and she knocked on the door. After a few seconds a man opened the door . He was a bit smaller than dean and had balding hair .

”hello? “well he didn’t thought his mum ran off with that kind of guy ,but he didn’t judge. 

“Hello Mr Sheppard ? I’m Mrs rogers the social worker of dean” understanding hit Mr Sheppard’s face 

“Mary ?”He said and turned his face away from then ten seconds later his mother stood in the door okay he thought it was his mother , but then 13 years are a long time . Dean didn’t listen at the things Mrs rogers said and just starred at his mother, she looked like these posh sitcoms moms who told everyone that their kids were honors students. .

”That’s it I would say Mr and Mrs Sheppard , if any problems occur you can always call me “ she said and left, any problems? Could they kick dean out like a dog? Suddenly every eyes went on him they looked at him like he was an alien

“would you like to come in?” Mr Sheppard asked dean nodded stiffly and followed them into the huge living room. He would clearly steal some shit here, god this house was gigantic .they walked into the living room his mother studied his face , she looked sad , dean didn’t know why? What did she expected when she left ? that his dad cuddled with him and read him bedtime stories every night ?

“Samuel?” Mr Sheppard asked and a lean skinny boy with brownish hair walked out of dean guess kitchen 

“is he here-oh hi?” he stared at him immediately his eyes went of the still nasty looking bruises on his face. 

“hey” dean said and glanced at him , 

“dean “ his attention snapped back to his mother 

“you've grown so much “

“well its been 13 years “dean said coldly not even trying to conceal his hatred . 

She looked hurt her face paled when the comment hit her in the face. “what happened to your face “ Samuel asked , ohh he was braver than Dean had thought 

“samuel”hissed Mr Sheppard 

“my dad beat the shit outta me”yeah that was blunt , Samuel’s eyes grew wider , his mother gasped in shock “dean “ said his mother , no wait he won’t call her mother she lost that privilege a long time ago , slowly dean turned his face to her.

”yeah?” her eyes were watery she looked like she was about to cry or faint or both .but dean didn’t care not after seeing her living in this huge house.

“I’m sorr-“

“ohh don’t you dare to say you are sorry , come on really? You are sorry, ohh good to know that will make everything better , look you are sorry for that too?” 

dean barked and lifted his shirt to show his stomach that was littered and different coloured bruises . that was maybe a drastic move ,dean was nearly but only nearly sorry when she started to cry , 

“ohh thanks for being sorry “ dean said angrily “Don’t act like you care “dean muttered and stormed out of the building .

He had to get away from there and he was glad that he had his cigarettes in his pocket he lit one as he wandered without any direction through the streets , man even the streets look posh dean thought and then there he was, looking like a homeless junkie with his ripped jeans and his oversized hoodie that was when he got it black but has turned now in a greyish tone. 

He walked past houses that cost a fortune and cars that he considered for more than a second to steal . But then he just sat on the sidewalk for a while until suddenly a voice behind him appeared 

“are you alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are two more :D because i didnt thought i would have wifi today but well


	7. Fucking rich people!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets a strange boy .

Dean turned around a boy ,he guessed maybe the same age as, him stood a few feet away from him   
“yeah “Dean huffed .

Could he be just 5 minutes alone ? The boy with really messy brown hair and hella ….. blue eyes didn’t seem to believe him   
“you sure? Are you lost or something? “he asked and back up when dean gave him an evil look 

“I mean you aren’t from here I’ve never seen you here” he said and scratched his head

“yeah I’m sorta lost “confessed and laughed.

He was actually in his temper tantrum he didn’t realise how far he went .Good job Dean 

“ohh well I could call a taxi if you need one?”he asked and shuffled around awkwardly .  
He looked like his mum dressed him with a blue button-down and beige pants 

“nah thanks man I kinda live here now “ the boy looked surprised 

“ohh should I help you get back home. If you need help with that?” dean signed

“thanks man but no i- I can’t go back there now “said dean and took a pull on his cigarette 

“ohh why?” dean looked at him for a second  
“I don’t know you why should I tell you?” This kid was to curious for his own good 

“I’m Castiel ,so why can’t you go back “ he said , smartass dean thought 

“well.. okay I fucked up a bit? Like yeah , it’s hard to explain?” dean signed . 

“you know , smoking is bad for you” he said and looked at dean,  
”yeah I know”

“well why do you smoke ?” Okay this kid was definitely strange.

”Because… man I don’t have to explain myself “Dean grumbled .  
”No you don’t have to”   
“you are a strange guy you know that?” dean said and grinned at him .  
”yes I know “ this Castiel kid said.

”im dean by the way and now I take your offer could you maybe show me the way?”   
dean asked and stood up   
“yes of course , where do you live “ ohh yeah that could be a problem 

“in a fricking big house?like I dunno “ dean said and rubbed his face , yeah dean you are brilliant he wanted to mentally kick himself. 

“A lot of house are quite big here “ Castiel stated bluntly. 

“yeah I know.. shit I mean .. My …mother lives with a guy called Sheppard ,dunno his first name” Castiel suddenly looked really confused. 

“Mary and Crowley Sheppard?” Dean nodded 

“I thought Samuel was an only child “  
“well surprise ,surprise he isn’t “Dean said and clenched his jaw 

“I know where they life “ ohh thank god   
“I can show you if you want ?” he said , man this kid was strange but maybe every rich kid is strange , money makes crazy and that stuff .

”sure why not “ .They walked again past expensive cars and houses some of them looked like Bruce Wayne’s Manor.   
“you are really Samuel’s brother?” He asked

“yep” dean said shortly .  
”where have you been all this time “ ohh man why was he so curious 

“well..not here “ Castiel finally relised that dean didn’t want to talk about that .They walked down the streets until Dean could see his house, he thought Castiel would now piss off but he followed Dean until they stood in front of the door. 

Dean waited a few seconds before he knocked and Immediately the door war ripped opened and his brother ,wow that feels strange to say that,stood in front of them .  
”MUM , he is here “ he yelled .Mary rushed to the door , her eyes were still red and puffy from the crying “Dean oh thank god   
“Dean just glared at her, he was totally aware that he was being a dick but he was too angry to care.Mary turned to Castiel   
“thank you Castiel and greet your parents .” Castiel nodded and said goodbye .  
Dean went inside the house “dean “ she stop when dean glared at her with all the hate he had bottled up.  
”Can we talk please , dean?” dean shrugged  
“ if you want , then talk” she seemed to be taken back but then started again   
“Dean I didn’t know, i-“  
“No not that or I am leaving again “ he said .  
She seemed the be desperate 

“Should Sam show you around?” Dean looked at Sam, who stood nervous in the doorframe .  
”yeah good idea “ he said coldly . 

The house was fucking huge and every Bedroom had an own bathroom .  
”your room is next to mine “Sam said and opened the door .His room was the biggest bedroom he had seen in a long time   
“wow damn rich people “ dean mumbled and Sam chuckled . The bed alone was huge , okay the walls were painted in some disgusting beige colour but Sam told him that he could arrange his room like he wanted to , ohh that’s gonna be fun .His bag and his backpack already laid next to a huge wardrobe .Dean grabbed his backpack and fumbled it opened .

”is that all your stuff “ sam asked with disbelief  
“well yeah “  
“wow that’s … not very much “  
“yep we moved every few months and lived in shitty places sometimes even in the car so a huge wardrobe wouldn’t fit “ said dean and smiled grimly   
“why did you move so much?”   
“not your business “ dean said , okay he felt bad to be so mean to this kid but yeah he couldn’t stop it somehow.

”Okay then uhm I leave you alone but if you are hungry you can come down?”  
Dean didn’t answer so Sam left and closed the door behind him. Finally dean fumbled his crappy phone with the huge crack on his display out of his pocket . 

Sent to: Lucy  
Hey it’s dean?  
Lucy:  
Dean-o!:D already miss me?  
Sent to: Lucy  
Totally Lucy what should I do without ya ??:D  
Lucy:  
See everybody needs a personal devil (o-o)  
How is the family?  
Sent to:Lucy  
Won’t believe me , damn they are fucking rich?!  
Lucy:  
Really??:o  
Sent to :Lucy  
Yeah like they have a huge house n shit,definitly gonna  
Steal something hahah   
Lucy:  
Damn u should , sent me some:D  
Sent to:Lucy  
Nah:p  
Lucy:  
You fucker I shared my dope with u!!  
Sent to: Lucy  
Not my fault :D haha   
Lucy:  
Asshat:D so gonna visit me sometime  
If they r that rich?  
Sent to: Lucy  
Yeah I will , promise u:D   
Lucy:  
Good ^^

And then dean’s battery died, “for fuck sake “ he muttered ,  
he was too tired and just laid down in this too large bed in this too large room .


	8. When i was 7 years old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is a bit of an ass and goes shopping .

Dean woke up or you could better say Dean’s grumbling stomach woke him up.  
It was still dark , but damn he was hungry and didn’t Sam say he could grab some food if he wants to?  
Dean sneaked out of his room in the dark it was a bit harder to find the right way in this huge house.When dean found the kitchen he turned the lights on and immediately the whole room was filled with light .

he was shocked ,the whole kitchen looked like it cost more than a car .Please god let them have good food and not this fancy upper-class shit.  
He opened the fridge and grab some peanut butter and jam, the harder part was actually to find the bread .He searched through the cupboards and nearly ended his search when he finally found some good old American toast. After his first bit dean groaned from happiness, god toast never tasted this good. Dean made himself another one and padded back to his room. 

The next morning dean decide that he would act like an adult and barricaded himself in his room,which wasn’t so hard because 1. He would glare at anyone who tried to enter the room and 2.he had an own bathroom, so this was nothing against his life with his father 

.Sam and Mary asked him a few times if he was okay but then left him alone, yes he knew he acted like the biggest asshole but then again he was just too confused and angry with everything and yeah maybe he should talk with someone, but fuck that he thought. Finally everyone seemed to have left the house and dean crept out of his room made himself an sandwich and two for later and went back. 

This went on until the next morning .Dean walked out of his room thinking that nobody was there , when he suddenly stopped in his track .  
”Hello , dean” said Mr Sheppard. He was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.Dean starred at him wide eyed.  
“how are you?” is he trying to smalltalk with dean?nope not doing that

”fine” dean mumbled and turned around to go again .  
”wait,I think we need to talk”  
“ohh?” he looked at dean , something about him freaked dean out .It was maybe his appearance he looked like the friendly husband who had secretly body parts in his basement . so he had to keep an eye on him.

”yes we have to, you will start school soon “ okay that was unexpected , he caught him totally off guard .Well yeah okay school slipped a bit out of his mind in the last days, but wait? That means he had to go to an actual school with like students and teachers, ohh shit.He liked school when he still went to it but he was guessing that it wasn’t a typical public school he would have to face soon , more like some posh overly expensive school which was for sure called academy or something like that. 

“i-I wasn’t in school for a long time “ dean said baffled 

“Mrs Rogers informed us about that , we hired a tutor for you. You are meeting him Thursday .Also we have to buy you your school uniform , Lawrence academy reqires them “

told you ,dean nearly chuckled , it had to be really nice to be rich . wait a minute”uniform?!”

“yes we would buy them today “ that was a statement .  
“uhh? Why?” dean didn’t want to go to a school with uniform, he went to a school once that checked your bags for knives and guns but never he had to wear an uniform .

”it’s required and since you are awake ,I would like to go now “ again no question just a statement.

Well he already hated this guy to be honest. Buying a uniform was actually worse than he’d expected , the people in the shop looked at him like he had horns on his head or a third eye. And let’s talk about the uniform, like really? It was just ridiculous, beige pants a white dress shirt with a red and blue tie and a blazer , nope he is not gonna wear that , never in his fucking life. But Mr Sheppard looked pleased, he couldn’t bring himself to call him Crowley , where the hell get these people these strange names ?!

They went back home he commented about deans clothes that he needed new ones but dean just kept glaring and stayed silent .Then again he played his game of not-gonna-leave-his-room-the-whole-day.

But then to his surprise somebody knocked at his door in the evening ,Sam peaked in the room 

“can I come in ?” dean didn’t answer him but he still went into his room and dean had to say this kid got balls.

”so you start school yeah?”

”yeah”sam smiled when dean actually answered him  
“ohh that’s cool im in year 9 so we go to the same school “ he said excited .  
”aren’t you 13?” 

“yeah I skipped on class I turn 14 in three months “ so his brother was a bit of a genius , perfect .Dean wasn’t even sure if he would survive this school year without failing and this little guy skipped one class , great totally great.

”damn” sam blushed  
“not a big deal you know?”  
“well when you say so “ dean said and raised his brows.

”do you want to eat dinner with us?” sam asked suddenly. nope dean thought but then sandwiches for the last days became a bit boring so he nodded and followed sam in the dinning room .

“Hello dean “said Mr Sheppard who sat already at the table .Dean said down next to Sam , Mary came just seconds later with the dinner , ohh she cooked on her own ,dean thought she had a maid or that or a cook .  
”Hello dean “she said and smiled at him with bright eyes .”it’s nice that you eat with us”. He nodded and they started to eat .Sam talked about his school and a project he had to do .

Then he turned to dean “how was your last school?” good question he wasn’t in school since the 8th grade.  
”uhm I wasn’t in school since middle school “Sam looked at him confusion all over his face 

“What, why?” should he tell him? Yeah he should just to make Mary feel worse and yes he is a douchebag. 

“my dad didn’t bother when I went to school or not and after I finished middle school he didn’t care at all and we moved to often that it was too much of an effort to like sign me up for school on my own.I took classes online and carried on though “ sam looked pretty shocked “ really?” dean huffed a laugh  
“yeah , my life is a bit different than yours “ he grinned  
“yeah , but like still that’s wow , how often did you move?” dean didn’t know why he told he kinda felt like it just shock this perfect family a bit  
“my dad was a drunken idiot and got himself always in trouble so we had to move a lot becaue soon nobody would hire him. The last years the longest stay I had was in a really shitty town for like 3 months or something “ Sam mouth fell open 

“I never moved in my life. Where did you stay you can’t rent an house just for 2 months “ he was a smart kid dean had to say 

“well, sometimes motels or apartments that weren’t so nice ,but also often just the car when he didn’t found anything “  
“You slept in a car?!” 

dean officially laughed now “yeah that was sometimes better than the places we stayed ,it got cold sometimes that was a problem and it was kinda cramped “the life of this kid had to be so easy dean thought  
“mum you hear that! He slept in the car and I’m not allowed to go camping that’s unfair!” said same and turned to Mary.

”well honey “gross dean thanked god that his dad never gave him a nickname , okay besides useless piece of shit , or stupid bastard. ”That’s different “yeah it clearly was “but mum-“ 

“Samuel “ Mr Sheppard said harsh “like your mother said that is a different thing , dean didn’t have a choice “ well yeah true . Samuel shut up after that and turned to dean again.

”your life was clearly more interesting than mine “okay now he hit a nerve. Dean’s hand twitched  
“should I tell you another interesting story?” dean tried to conceal his anger as good as possible , Sam nodded enthusiastic,

” when I was seven years old , we moved again and I liked it there it was quite cool we stayed there for nearly half a year maybe more maybe less “Sam nodded along ,  
”my dad got an job and he controlled his drinking at this time really good and I got friends in the school there “ Mary seemed to realise where this was going 

“ but one day I came from school and he was nearly unconscious ,cause he lost his job again , told me we had to move but because I was a stupid seven year old , I was upset and asked him to stay here. Here comes the ‘interesting part ‘I guess you can see that we didn’t stay. But since he was so drunk he got mad because I guess my pure existence at this point was too much for him so he yelled at me and beat me , then he took me up by the throat and said me in the eyes ‘should’ve killed you years ago , you’re the reason for my misery ‘ lot consciousness after that , so yeah my life is ‘more interesting’ than yours “Everyone at the table was silent ,dean could swear the time had stopped.  
He stood up nobody was moving, eyes still direct to him” food was nice “ he said smiled unemotionally.

Gotta shock rich people he thought and went to his room.


	9. Nightmares and Sciences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets his new tutor

Lucy:  
U didn’t ? 

Sent to :lucy  
Yep I did :D

Lucy:  
Damn dean-o that was harsh ,I knew u had some devil inside u:P

Sent to : Lucy  
Never denied that:D

Dean laid on the bed maybe he was a bit too harsh with them ?

Nah fuck them he thought and stripped out of his clothes ,sleeping was always a pain in the ass because first of all dean never had a full nights sleep and he also moved like a maniac in his sleep which is kinda painful when your body is littered with bruises. 

He got used to the constant pain somehow, not that he liked ,god no he wasn’t that crazy but he could ignore it for some time. 

This night was no exception, he woke up in the middle of the night , breathing rigid and sweating like he ran 10 miles , well fuck sleeping then. Nightmares are something dean could definitely give up. 

He felt pathetic , when he was still with his dad and had a nightmare (for his defence , when that happened he was maybe 10 or something ) he started to cry sometimes , well like you might guess that didn’t suit his dad that he woke him up so he kicked him out of the room and dean had to stay in front of the motel room the whole night , and no that was something he didn’t want to happened again ever in his life .

Like really which decent human being thinks it’s a good idea to kick your kid out in the middle of the night , not like a motel is such a safe , friendly place. He was quite lucky that nobody kidnapped him or worse .

He walked around his room , because he needed to stay awake , he didn’t want to sleep again ,nope not this night . But his legs grew tired and he sat down on the armchair in his room. 

Dean was sure that he wouldn’t fall asleep again but when he woke up the next day with a hurting neck he cursed himself.   
God next time sit on the ground dean, he thought and went to the bathroom. 

He nearly got a heart attack from his reflection, okay the bruise and the black eye were actually pretty huge and he looked sick like he just had risen from his grave. Well this won’t fade in the next few days so his first impression in the school would be truly awesome , great not only did he start in the middle of this term but he also lucked like a professional boxer used him as a punching bag .

Yeah he already loved it here. He showered maybe he wouldn’t look like a zombie after that but yeah he still looked shit .

The noises downstairs didn’t stop , didn’t they have to go to work ? Fuck it he was hungry so he slipped on a faded t shirt and an unintentional ripped jeans. 

First he thought only Mr Sheppard was here like yesterday but when he went to the kitchen he saw Mary , her eyes jumped to him , dean couldn’t catch the emotions on her face . Well he won’t get a bad conscience now he thought and made himself wordless a sandwich.

He felt Marys gaze on his arms , yeah his dad didn’t only hit his face a beating doesn’t work like that he thought and munched his sandwich.” Dean your tutor comes in a hour “ she said , dean didn’t look at her “okay “ he mumbled and went to his room again .

Great another person who thought of him like he was some charity project. And an hour later the door rang and a guy older than Mr Sheppard stepped inside , he didn’t look so formal like Mr Sheppard which kinda calmed dean a bit down.

“My name is Bobby Singer “ he said as they sat down in one off the offices or how do you call that ? Dean didn’t know , damn this house had everything. 

“I’m your tutor and I work closely with the School , so I know what you need to know” he said and smiled , okay that would be embarrassing “So they told me you took online classes , right?” dean nodded 

“ well i got some papers whe can look at your knowledge” well shit . Dean was 100 percent sure that that he would embarrass himself because he was stupid . 

The different science and maths were a bit of a struggle but dean finished them but soon as Bobby handed him the English literature one his brain blacked out . He didn’t understand a word that was written down on the page and just made a pained groan as he struggle to understand the actual task   
“Everything alright? “Bobby asked and looked up from correcting his maths papers , dean shook his head that was embarrassing god he hated himself so much right now 

“ I don’t understand it like the whole paper “ bobby looked at him for a second   
“can you read the task for me out loud please ?” ohh no he hated reading when he tried to he failed at every 4th word .

”Hmm do you know what dyslexia is “ he asked dean shook his head

“ well it’s when you have problems with writing and reading , I guess you should consider to test yourself for that because if you really have it the school rates you different” yeah great dean you gonna fail this year he thought , but then bobby carried on” but I have to say you maths and science qualities are good , I don’t see a problem there “ well that was surprising. 

Bobby gave him some paper he could work on and then talked with Mary and Mr Sheppard, dean meanwhile went to his room again and started to work on his papers.

Maybe he wasn’t such a fuck up after all.


	10. When Life gives you Lemons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean get's in trouble again.

Because he was really lucky his phone charger decided to give up life , dean who might have some anger issues but don’t you dare to mention it , did what every normal human being would do , he opened his window and threw it with force out of the window and made angry noises while doing it , so yes he was totally mental stable. 

But then again he needed to charge his phone , so he went to the only person in this house that didn’t freak him out at least not as much as Mary and Mr Sheppard did .

He knocked at Sam’s door and a second later a muffled  
“yeah ?” came so dean opened the door and walked inside .Sam was sitting on his bed but he wasn’t alone a boy lean and skinny sat next beside him and stared at him with huge eyes .

”Kevin that’s dean, dean that’s Kevin” said same and gestured to the boy  
“ hey “ dean said the boy looked suddenly even more frighten , god what did he do again  
”h-hey” he stuttered.

“hm Sam do you have an phone charger ?” dean said and tried to ignore the other boy  
“ yeah for what brand?” he said and stood up .  
Dean took his phone out of his pocket “uhm Samsung “ he said and looked at his phone  
“that’s ancient “ said the Kevin deans head snapped up ,well yeah his phone was older but not ancient, and considering that he stole if from a thrift shop it was in good shape  
“ sorry for not having enough money for an new iPhone ? You know I rather have food in my stomach than a shitty iPhone “dean spat at Kevin , who looked suddenly like a kicked puppy . 

“I didn’t mean it like that “ he mumbled , dean just glared at him  
“sorry dean I don’t have a charger for that “ Sam said .well shit  
“okay well thanks for looking “ dean said and left . 

He went to the kitchen , and jackpot he thought on the table laid a wallet clearly lost and nobody was there to protect it . Ohh it would be horrible if somebody would take some money. Dean chuckled .He glanced in the wallet and nearly chocked at his own spit, okay that was a lot of money .

Should he take some? No that wouldn’t help him but if he takes 20 bucks they wouldn’t notice would they? No they wouldn’t they have enough said a small voice in his head. 

Perhaps the voice was right or he becomes crazy but when life gives you lemons you should do something with them, so he glanced around and stuffed the 20 bucks in his pocket before he went outside .

He walked down the street for nearly 30 minutes until he found a shop that sold chargers and they only cost 9 dollars so he still had 11 for himself and he knew what he wanted to do with them. It was rather hard to find somebody who sold pot here he soon realised but finally he found a guy ,he looked like a homeless creep but dean didn’t care . 

He got what he wanted and went back home. This time he found the way home and knocked the door. Mr Sheppard opened the door  
“ohh dean where have you been?”  
“Bought a charger “said dean and went back to his room.

He didn’t feel like facing somebody today so when everything was dark outside he opened the window and scrambled outside, okay here was it a bit trickier to get down in one piece but he still got it and looked through the garden, off course they had a gigantic pool. Dean walked around the garden it looked like a movie , the stuff that he only saw in Hollywood films. He sat down and took his shoes and socks off and sat beside the pool, his feet inside the water .it was cold but not in the unpleasant way ,the water glistered in the moonlight and it look so beautiful .Dean was suddenly calm , for a moment the whole stress of the last days seemed forgotten but then life came crashing back and when he meant crashing it was more like an earthquake.

“Hands in the air “for fuck sake , really? Again? Dean lifted his hands above his head .strong hands pulled him up and cuffed his hands.  
“I can explain that !” dean said angrily  
“well you broke into private grounds “ said the male voice behind him was another man , he turned his head .Great he got caught from the police the second time this week a new record.  
” I live here” dean barked the both officers laughed, god he hated rich people  
“I’ve never seen you here “  
“ask Mary!” dean official hated the police now .Suddenly there were running footsteps behind him 

“Dean! Where have you been” Mr Sheppard said slightly pissed.  
“see I live here “ dean barked at the police officer who turned to Mr Sheppard ,  
”is that true?”  
“yes he is my step son” said Mr Sheppard  
“then we are sorry but your stepson activated the alarm like you might guessed “ said the officer. The uncuffed dean and glared at him. 

”Dean go to your mother in the house “ said Mr Sheppard sharply , dean saw that he couldn’t argue and went to the inside.

Mary and Sam stood in the living room. She looked panicked and when she saw dean kinda angry no more like furious .

Ohh now it’s going downhill “DEAN where have you been!?” she yelled ,yes she was angry like really angry 

“i didn’t-I was outside , my fault that the alarm went on” dean stuttered ,ohh when he said Mary looked angry before now she looked like she would eat him alive.

”You did that what did you thought? Dean –“dean stumbled backwards and because life wanted to kick him really in the nuts he fell on his ass.  
He curled inside himself , this was the moment Mary would hit him , yeah great job dean great job, you are a piece of shit he thought . he shield his head with his arms and waited, but nothing came. 

Dean still didn’t dare to look up maybe she would wait until he would let down his defence and then attack. “Dean “said Mary with a hoarse voice. Suddenly a hand touch his arm and he flinched violently .  
”dean, please look at me “ nope not gonna fall for that trick dean thought .but her voice was different, not angry , more like sad?  
“Dean please we won’t hurt you” she said he voice sounded wet. That was clearly a lie but still dean glanced up.Mary kneeled before him , she looked pale the same with same who stood frozen in place and stared at the whole scene.  
“We won’t hurt you “she repeated. 

Dean shook his head , that was a lie and he knew that.”dean we would never-“ but before she could finish her sentence dean sprang to his feet and ran to his room . 

That was a lie , adults always lie , they will hurt him and he wouldn’t fall for their tricks again he thought as he slipped down the door and tears came streaming down his face. 

They lie , they always do.


	11. Smells like Locker room and broken glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a talk with his mother and her husband .

Adults are funny dean thought , first they yell at you and then when they realise what damage they’ve done they suddenly feel guilty and try to apologise , don’t they know that you can’t fix everything with an excuse .

When you break a glass and say you are sorry it’s still broken even when you fix it , it never get’s to the same state as before.

So when Mary knocked at his door , dean didn’t let her in , it was clear for him that she had the right to be mad but then again when you are panicked your brain doesn’t work how it was supposed to and also he had still the sinking fear that she would hit him , yes he knows that she won’t ,but what can he say ,old habits die hard?

It was a stupid idea really he just wanted to get out , he always sneaked out when he still lived with his dad. At night it was silent , everything that was so ugly and noisy at daytime was now silent and looked totally different . He couldn’t explain it in a logical way why he did it , there were no words for it. He didn’t know why he did it , it was just a urge he had . Wandering around looking at things that maybe nobody else saw the same as him. Everything was kinda beautiful if you just look close enough .And the garden certainly was .  
He told it his dad , how everything had some kind of beauty even in the dirtiest corners ,and his dad reacted like he usually did. ‘Stop with that faggot shit and shut up’ so dean never mentioned it again.

Maybe they were different here , but how did he know? Yes he could talk to them but nope not gonna do that .He was a stubborn idiot he thought and fell asleep. 

The next morning he woke up with a groan , goddammit dean you have a huge fucking bed , why on earth don’t you sleep in it you moron? He felt like an old man when he woke up every bone in his body cracked and his muscles felt sore , so a hot shower would maybe sooth it or not but he gave it a try .When he rubbed himself dry he realised one thing he had totally forgotten , he didn’t have any clothes that didn’t smell like a boys looker room after a football game. Great . so he put on a pair of loose boxer and an undershirt which he didn’t knew he had .

He stood in front of his door the door knob in his hand . He didn’t want to face them , but then again who cared what he wants? So he took his duffle bag and walked down the stair . Of course both Mr Sheppard and Mary were there , okay dean said it before but seriously don’t they have to work or something? Or Mr Sheppard is a Supervillain and it on vacation from killing batman , he certainly looked like that , he reminded dean a bit of the penguin, but he better doesn’t mention that. 

Mary and Mr Sheppard looked to Deans surprise not angry or any other emotion dean had expected , they looked concerned. That was new , maybe they were concerned about dean ruining their name ?

“dean “ said Mr Sheppard “we need to talk “ohh come on ‘we need to talk’? like for real? That’s the worst conversation starter ever. Dean’s face might have looked a bit frightened not intentionally , okay but seriously Mr Sheppard was creepy.

“You are not in trouble , dean “ said Mary . Yesterday that seemed different dean thought and huffed.  
“okay?” dean said  
“we need to make some rules here “ said Mr Sheppard.  
“Yesterday you activated the burglar alarm , we should have told you that before , we are sorry that we didn’t mention it and that you hade this.. incident with the police.” Okay that was definitely not what dean had thought they would say.

“furthermore we have tell you that you can leave the house whenever you want over the day but please tell us where you are going or at least when you are home .” that was good with dean so he nodded.

“and the last point is that we, Mary and I will never ever harm you in every way intentionally “ As if , dean thought but nodded 

“and also today evening some family friends will come over for dinner and we would be pleased if you would be there to “ Nope forget it , dean thought .And like Mr Sheppard could read his mind he said”Castiel will be there too , I heard you both already meet” 

Dean still didn’t look sure but nodded , don’t piss the adults more off he thought.

”that’s it?`” he asked , they both nodded . “uhmm where is the washing machine?” he asked and hold his duffle bag up 

“downstairs “Mary said “ should I show you ?” dean mentally groaned , goddammit could she leave him alone please ? But then again he didn’t knew what machine they have and maybe it was some crazy future shit and he would burn the house down when he did something wrong. Wow that would be a great headline’16 year old misfit burns house down with washing machine ‘ .But back to reality again.

“yeah “ dean said and followed Mary.

Okay this house also had a basement and this fucking basement looked still better than every motel room they stayed in . Unfair.

“Here give me your clothes “she said as she opened the washing machine .Dean handed her his clothes they could be washed all tighter they were all faded so it didn’t matter. Mary looked at his clothes , dean guessed that she thought they looked awful which they did . He didn’t have pants without at least one hole in it .And his shirts looked like he broke into a thrift shop , well they are from a thrift shop so it was at least true.

Mary stopped when she saw his hoddie he wore when his dad nearly beat and all this shit started. There was actually a lot of blood , why didn’t he realise that before? God blood is hard to get out off clothes ,dammit he really like that hoddie. But Mary just looked at it for another few seconds before she put it away.

“thanks “dean mumbled . Hold on he put all his clothes in there and these strangers would come today , ohh fuck .  
“uhm does it dry until these … family friends come today? “Mary was baffled by this question  
“was that all your clothes” dean nodded , something flickered about Marys face “I guess if I put them in the dryer they will ,but we should maybe buy you some new one?” 

Dean shrugged, maybe? He didn’t care. 

The rest of the day was uneventful . He got his clothes in time, slipped on his baggy t shirt and one of his jeans and was dressed when the door rang. Two adults stood there with a girl , the greeted everyone even dean , but still looked at him suspicious . Their gaze wandered all over him cataloguing ever inch of him.

The girl did the same but then deans gaze fell on the other two boys that came after them . “hey dean “ said castiel and smiled bright. “hey cassie “said dean and laughed when Castiel looked at him confused “that’s not my name “ he said and dean laughed harder 

He maybe started to like him .


	12. Wet Matches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner doesn't go so well.

The friends that came over were the family Novak. Mr and Mrs Novak didn’t pay so much attention to him besides casually glancing at him like he would jump up any second and pull out a gun or something .Then there was Castiel who smiled at him every time dean looked at him and his younger brother Inias , another strange name , how the fuck or better where the fuck do you find those kind of names ? And then there was his older sister Anna the first normal name here.   
The dinner was awkward , everyone acted around dean like he was a bomb ready to explode . They talked about things dean didn’t even knew and the kids in his age talked about school , like who the hell talks about school in his free time. 

Dean ate slowly the food on his huge plate while starring at the same spot in front of him for 20 minute. God this was torture. But then Sam suddenly said “dean You go in grade 11 right?” dean nodded , where was this going ?”You are in the same grade as Castiel” Dean looked at Castiel who grinned wide .  
“ohh cool “ dean said and grinned   
“I could show you the school if you want ? “  
“sure why not “said dean and stab his food , who thought that peas are great for eating, these little fuckers won’t stay on his fork !  
Suddenly the girl chuckled ,dean looked up ,he already hated her , her name was Anna and she had bright red hair, dean had the feeling about her that she was arrogant only because of the way she looked at him , like was something less than her. Something disgusting. 

“why are you laughing?” dean asked tense , she rolled her eyes , dean wanted to kill her at this moment.  
“You have manners like a cave man “ ohh no she didn’t say that ? Anger bubbling up inside him .  
“why do you think that?” dean spat at her . The table suddenly became dead silent.  
“Anna ,what are you trying to say “ asked Mr Novak. He looked displeased with the things his daughter said but maybe he thought the same and just didn’t want her to embarrass them in front of the others.  
But this didn’t stop her “What I’m trying to say is that he eats like a cave man , he doesn’t have just a hint of any kind of manners !” Anna looked pleased with the things she threw in deans face , he wanted to rip this stupid grin of her face. But then again she thought that dean would just sat there and take it , well think again .

Dean jumped up , the chair fell backwards “FUCK YOU, you arrogant spoiled brat !SORRY that I don’t act like you superficial spoiled brat, fuck you and everyone .”  
The whole table starred at him everyone gaped at him.  
“Dean-“ said Mr Sheppard but dean cut him off .  
“NO , goddammit this is not the fucking ‘Blind side’ movie I’m not your fucking charity monkey you can show around . You all fell so better with your fucking money but you are the same as John ,Fuck you”  
Dean stormed out of the room , he had a thing with leaving the room when they fight. But if he had stayed he would have strangled somebody.

He went in the garden, he hated it here, why was he forced to stay here ?

He fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips .Where did he put his matches? When he found them and wanted to lit one of the matches all of the sudden a hand grabbed the box and threw it in the pool. Dean jumped and his cigarette nearly fell out of his mouth.

“The fuck man?” dean barked and turned to the hand, Castiel was standing there grinning.  
“Smoking is bad “ he said and grinned . This little fucker dean thought and rubbed his face.  
“that was my last pack of matches you know that?” dean gritted through his teeth   
“well you can fish them out of the pool if you want “ he still grinned like a child in a toy store  
“what the do I want with wet matches? “ dean asked   
Castiel shrugged “you are the smoker “ this little shithead .Dean had to laugh this was too absurd .when his laughing died Castiel said “you know what you said to my sister “ shit shit shit dean thought and took a step back “was the best thing I’ve ever heard in my life , thank you soo much “ what? Nope hold on ,Castiel is thanking him for insulting his sister.Damn rich people are weird .

“everything is true what you said and I’m glad that somebody told her it , she needed that “ Castiel smiled .

“Are you sure that you don’t have some brain damage ? I insulted your sister? And you thanked me ?” dean asked and looked at Castiel. 

“yes she needed that and this dinner was so boring you made a scene , that was the highlight of my week “ Castiel smiled  
“uhmm your welcome?” Castiel laughed .Okay this boy was definitely strange. Maybe he landed in some kind of human experiment and they wanted to know how much time it takes dean to become crazy . Yes that was plausible .

“I like you dean , you are different than the kids here “ said castiel and dean actually believed him . Maybe because he had such a puppy face or maybe because he was really becoming crazy .Hm who cares .

“well your welcome again?” castiel started to laugh again when he saw his face . And dean started to laugh too. 

“Different is good , I hope I don’t creep you out?”  
“just a bit “ confessed dean and grinned .   
“Another really creepy move but do you want to hang out tomorrow? Totally okay if you say no “  
What should dean say? Don’t go said a voice in his head , well he never said he was good at following rules.”yeah sure .uhm where do we meet ?”   
“I give you my number so we can talk tomorrow about it?” Dean nodded and pulled his phone out of his pocket . Castiel tipped his number in his phone and handed it back to dean without any comment about how ancient or broken it looked.

“well see you tomorrow dean.” Said Castiel and went back in the house .   
Dean stayed there for a while until he sneaked back into his room . He didn’t want to talk about his last tantrum .And it worked he closed the door silently behind himself and laid down the bed.He took his phone and texted Lucifer, while they talked he decided to text castiel . Was that to soon? Wait what that’s not a date so it wasn’t too soon . 

Sent to :Castiel  
Hey here is dean:D?

Castiel:  
Hello Anna is still made :D so you did an awesome job.

Sent to :Castiel  
No problem>:D 

Dean grinned like an idiot , yeah he liked this Castiel kid .


	13. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean was happy and that scared him

The next morning dean woke up early , and went to shower . This shower felt like heaven and he hated that the had to step out of it .But then he got dressed and forced himself to go downstairs. 

Nobody was there , hmm so this perfect family doesn’t get up early , that’s something he should remember .He ate some cereals like the real brand ones with the whole artificial sugar and diabetes risk. He never ate Froot loops in his life , mostly because they didn’t have enough money for it and he had to decide. So he took a huge bowel and poured enough cereals and milk in it for a whole family .  
Then he took a bit and as soon as the cereals touched his taste buds he spat them out, that tasted like sugar just pure sugar! What the fuck?  
With a sad expression on his face he poured it down the sink and grab a banana .while he stood in the kitchen and munched his banana , sam came down the stairs.

“morning “ he groaned and rubbed his face , his hair stood up in every direction. He looked quite miserable .  
“not a morning person huh?” sam shook his head and walked to the fridge .  
“I hate waking up” he grumbled .”yeah I get you” said dean grinning . 

then he heard somebody come down the stairs and yes because he hates facing consequences sneaked back into his room .Advantage of a gigantic house .He took his phone out and texted Castiel where and when they would meet.Castiel texted immediately back and said that it would be a better idea that he would come to Deans house since he pissed his sister off .Dean chuckled , so Ms Anna-i-get-everything-i-want was angry because somebody didn’t lick her ass. That made his day a lot better , sometimes life can be fair he thought and grinned .  
At lunchtime dean went again downstairs , Mary was preparing the food.She looked up when dean entered the room but stayed silent .  
“uhm Can castiel come over today?” dean asked . Mary stopped for a while and then smiled  
“of course “ dean nodded and went to his room again.

His duffle bag laid in the corner of his room , his clothes where stuffed in there .It was a long time ago since he unpacked his bag and laid everything in a wardrobe. It felt strange and the huge wardrobe made his clothes look small. He laid his bag in the closet and went to his backpack . He unpacked everything. Every tiny bit of his belongings where now in his room and he tried that to make it look a bit more personal but he still felt like a stranger in a hotel room . Nothing had a personal touch. Everything looked like it was right out off a catalogue. That made his skin crawl he didn’t know why ? it just felt wrong , like he was driving a rollercoaster backwards. 

Then in the meantime the door rang , dean tried to act casual not like he waited hours for Castiel finally to come. Castiel smiled as he saw him .  
“wanna go upstairs “ asked dean , too much ears were around .Castiel nodded and followed him.

“nice room” said castiel and sat down on the sofa .  
“yeah uhm just a bit strange “ dean said and scratched his head , god he his social abilities were rusty.  
“why?” asked castiel .Okay how do you explain it without sounding like a total idiot?  
“it’s… to impersonal you know? Like a hotel room ?Nothing in here that I like . “ was that understandable ? he hoped so .Castiel nodded like he got what he was trying to say.  
“what do you like?” castiel asked , good question .  
“well , I dunno ? “ “come on dean everyone likes something!” said Castiel and laughed  
“uhm I like cars… and like music and movies.. “  
“something more specific? “ castiel asked “that’s a lot “  
That was stupid , dean knew that he shouldn’t tell him now he shouldn’t but then he did “ well … don’t laugh okay? I like you know monsters and that stuff , this creepy supernatural things .”  
“that’s awesome! “ castiel said and grinned.  
“nah .. but what do you like ?” dean asked  
“Music , drawing, reading all that antisocial stuff.” Said castiel and laughed .  
“you don’t seem so antisocial “dean said , castiel appeared to be more outgoing than dean and not at all antisocial .  
“Depends on the day ,the idiots in school burning off my batteries. “So Castiel didn’t like school , awesome , so the only person he remotely liked said that the kids are horrible there , great . Castiel stopped grinning , he was dean’s concerned face.  
“school isn’t bad , I maybe overdramatised it a bit , it’s a normal school “ Well yeah if you don’t mention the uniform and the horendous fees they had probably to pay  
“ohh thank god ,because like … I wasn’t in school since grade 8..” Castiel looked at him with disbelief.  
“really ?” Dean explained it to him , and when he finished he thought that castiel might make a comment like everyone else did when dean told them about his past life , but then he just said,  
“I can help you with some subject if you want?”  
Dean nodded enthusiastically. Maybe it wouldn’t be this bad at all?Dean and Castiel talked the whole day until Castiel had to go home for dinner.

This day wasn’t so bad and he was more than thankful for that. Maybe the universe decided to be nice for once , that he was allowed to be (remotely ) happy .

But then he remembered a quote his dad told him .That happened years ago when he was still in elementary school and they had to move , again. This was maybe the only real talk he ever had with his dad that didn’t consider yelling or punches in the end. He sat in the car with his dad and took all his childish bravery to ask him , why they couldn’t stay .His dad didn’t look up the road , at first dean thought he hadn’t heard him but then before dean had a chance to ask again , he said ‘You know it doesn’t work that way .You’re only happy because life is preparing you to take something big from you , happiness doesn’t last.’ At this time it didn’t answer deans question but now looking back maybe his dad was true. Maybe this drunken idiot said one time in his life something right. So that was the reason why dean was scared because if he had stayed to long happy , life would remind him soon enough that It doesn’t work like this. For a normal person with a normal life his life wouldn’t be a reason to be happy but then in the last week he gained to friends .That was more than he ever had in the last years.

So he waited , because life would take something from him for sure


	14. Great Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a boring sunday .

The Sunday was boring, of course dean expected it , they all went to church , well not everyone because dean clearly didn’t go. 

He never went to church before he came to the Thomas family and it was only bearable because Lucifer made inappropriate comments. So without him Dean wouldn’t go , not for a million dollars , okay maybe for a million but he doubt it that Mr Sheppard would pay him a million for that.

Therefore he stayed at home ,watching tv on this huge Flat screen . But he got bored soon after the first commercial break and decided to sneak around the house. Because beside the living room , the office and the kitchen he only looked a bit in sams room , and this house had far more doors.

He peaked through a door next to the office he went in with Bobby and it was another offices , bigger with more books and a huge wooden desk that reminded dean a bit of the ‘godfather’.  
Papers were sprawled across the desk and dean looked at them for a short moment before he realised that nothing interesting was written on them . No creepy Mafia contracts or plans to kill batman. So dean closed the door again and looked in the other rooms.

They were boring to be honest just showing what a perfect family here lived and not more nothing shocking.  
But then he went to Marias and Mr Sheppard’s bedroom , of course he would look here in the cupboards he had enough trauma for a life time . 

But he stopped and looked at the photos that were framed and hung on the wall. Pictures of Mary Mr Sheppard and Sam , but also a lot just showed Sam in different ages , from new born to current state. 

And then it hit dean again. None of him, of course none of him how could they have any pictures of him but it hurt. He looked at the reminder that his mother carried on without him , had a great life , was happy and didn’t remember dean before he stood in front of their door. Yes he was just an intruder in their life, he will never fit in here . They share 13 years of memories without him .

For the first time in his life he felt truly lost, because when he was with his dad he had this strange constant of moving but it was always the same like a ritual.  
And this was calming because he knew that they would move on someday, but now it was different, there was no moving there were no crappy motel rooms and cheap booze .  
So he lost his constant and that was scarier than he ever thought. Because he would go tomorrow to school and stay there at least for two years even more if he fails , and this made him feel trapped .He couldn’t look at the pictures anymore , it was like a cruel trick .

He went to his room and listened to music until his mind shut up . Music was something he loved his whole life he listened to it every time he could. That sometimes angered his dad because he had headphones over his ears and didn’t listen to his drunken babbling , but it was worth it . 

Mary, Mr Sheppard and Sam came home soon after and the day stayed boring like he began .

At dinner Mr Sheppard told him that Mary would bring them to school tomorrow and would also wake them up. Dean had to meet the director of the school before lesson and then he would start a normal school day.  
Sounded actually pretty awful dean thought.

Dean went to his room again and like you might guess didn’t sleep peacefully , he was nervous not because he had to go to school or because he wasn’t in school for so long , but because he had to go to a private school and the only occasion in his life where he meet a private school student was when he stole his wallet , so that would be fun? 

Mary woke him up gently calling his name, dean just groaned but stood up and wanted to put his clothes on when he realised that he had to wear this stupid uniform. It was scratchy and he looked like some kind of salesman, the still prominent bruises on his face made a big contrast against his posh uniform.  
He looked totally out of place .  
He groaned angry when he failed to tie his tie for the sixth time and just walked downstairs with it loosely hanging around his neck .  
Who invented these stupid thing?  
they should definitely be hanged or something, Dean thought as he went to the kitchen.  
Sam looked like he would fall asleep any second and Mary was drinking coffee out of a large cup .  
“morning “she said and smiled

“morning “dean said and picked up an apple. Sam grumbled something inaudible and dean snickered, he totally wasn’t a morning person. 

“uhmm can somebody show me how to tie this thing?” dean asked and waved his tie through the air. Sam grumbled something again  
“ I can tie you it ?” Mary asked and since Sam didn’t seem to walk under the living right now , dean nodded .

That was maybe the most awkward situation he had this week because Mary stood really close and fumbled at the tie and dean tried his best not to look her in the face .

Finally the damn thing was tied and they were ready to go. The drive to school in the huge car was uneventful, Sam was excited that dean went with him to school and said they could meet at lunch. 

Dean just looked the whole time at his worn-out green back pack. There were some buttons of Bands stick to it . 

The car stopped and dean looked up and nearly chocked on his own spit when he saw the building “this is the school?” he asked his voice a few octaves higher. 

“yeah why?” sam asked confused.  
“nothing “ said dean . The building looked old but still like it was in better shape than any public school. Mary got out of the car too . 

“We have to meet the headmaster “headmaster come on really? And yesterday Mr Sheppard told him only he had to meet the headmaster, but maybe she was like a safe guard so he doesn’t fuck up so bad on the first day.Dean followed her in the huge building and as soon as he step in it everyone starred at him like literally starred at him . Great so he wouldn’t stay low-profile here.

They went to the office , the ‘headmaster’ was an old dude with greyish hair and a big belly. He had this distinguish old people smell on himself .

“hello Mary and hello… Dean “ he looked at his face a second too long and dean knew that this guy was judging him. Good start . 

“I’m happy to welcome you at the Lawrence Academy “ no you’re not , don’t try to lie , dean thought.  
“here is your timetable , everything is settled I will show you your classroom. “he gave him some papers.

ohh great first day and the director brings him to his first lesson not at all embarrassing. Dean nodded and followed him. He knocked and a young teacher mid thirties’ dean guessed opened the door. 

He was nearly pushed in the classroom and the new teacher announced the class “ This is Dean Winchester , he is a new student in our school and we are happy to welcome you .” Dean starred at the class who starred back at him with too much curiosity.

“what happened to his face “ asked a girl in the last room a bit too loud 

. Great dean thought Great start.


	15. Culture shock

“Can you tell the class something about yourself ?” asked the teacher . 

Dean already hated him , he shuffled awkwardly around .  
“Moved here a week ago to my mother. Before that I lived with my dad “ Yeah that’s it .  
”Okay great take a seat dean “which dean immediately did .

when he sat down everybody still starred at him . He tried to make himself smaller and hoped that the teacher would finally carry on . 

This school was horrible but it looked posh like it sounded the teacher had an expensive notebook in front of him and then handed iPads out for caring on with their reading.  
Okay dean had definitely a culture shock . 

The first lesson felt like it lasted years before the bell rang.   
Everyone stormed out and dean followed .Next he had maths in room 204 okay where the hell is that?  
He walked around like a lost puppy and everyone seemed to stare at him.

He was about to explode when suddenly   
“dean?” he turned around.  
”hey “ dean said and smiled at castiel , thank god   
“are lost?”   
“yeah where is room 204 ?”  
“you have maths now?i think we are in the same class “ That saved deans life.  
“awesome, finally I know somebody “ said dean . 

He walked with Castiel through the halls , this school looked strange to dean . He really didn’t wanna know how much it cost to study here. 

They walked in the math room that looked like it was straight out of and movie. “Mr Andrews?” castiel asked and the teacher looked up from his laptop,.  
”yes castiel?”   
“we have a new student, this is dean Winchester “ Castiel said and Mr Andrews looked at dean .   
For a second dean thought he would asked him about the bruises but then he just said   
“well nice to meet you dean .I hope you enjoy our school “ dean just nodded and sat down next to castiel. 

A few other kids out of his first class were there too. Dean wondered how many students went here .

This was like a strange dream , maths wasn’t like he expected, he struggled a bit but still could follow the teacher . This lesson was far more pleasant than his first one .

But the rest of the day was pure torture. He couldn’t wait for the break and nearly ran somebody over when the bell finally rang. 

Castiel said he would pick him up and go with him so he wouldn’t get lost while searching the cafeteria. 

“how as your day” castiel asked .Dean only shrugged .  
Could be worse could be better.

The cafeteria looked new and the food actually didn’t look so bad . He followed Castiel to one of the tables where a bunch of kids already sat.

”Hey guys “said Castiel and sat down. The group of 3 People looked at him and smiled 

“ this is Charlie , Adam and Meg” said Castiel and gestured to the sitting group.

”I’m dean” he said and took a sip from his drink .

”yeah we know ,Castiel doesn’t shut up about you “ said Meg , Dean chocked on his drink

”Meg “ Castiel groaned and hide his face in his hands.The group laughed

“He deserves the truth. “ Castiel blushed to a pinkish red . 

“Just be silent please “ he mumbled.

”Okaaay” .They talked for a bit before the subject went to dean.

”you know you are the hot topic in this school right now “ and again dean nearly chocked on his food . 

“you have thing for chocking “ said meg laughing 

“Really?” dean croaked 

“yeah , everyone talks about you , mystery guy who comes 7 weeks in the school year and looks like he had a fight with mike Tyson “ For fuck sakes , this gonna be a fun year .”hmm ohh I see “ dean said and carried on eating . 

“no further comment? Nothing?” asked meg , god he thought Sam was curious but she outdid him

“hmm it’s not a good story and long you know, really boring.” Dean said . 

Meg looked at him “nah you are lying, I can sense that” she said .

“Brush it off meg” Castiel warned her . 

“okaaay “ and she finally dropped the subject .

The rest of the day was okay , but Suddenly dean had to decide to which club he would go .Because this stupid school forced you to go to at least one club after school, great. 

He stood in front of the board .Okay Music ? no he cant play anything , Football , nope , science club? Not intelligent enough . Hmm Basketball, he was good in it in middle school and played it every time he could, it was worth a try.

But today Mary picked him up . Okay when dean said that the tie thing was awkward the drive back to their home was even worse.   
“Dean “she said as soon as the engine started “how was your first day ?” dean shrugged .  
He actually didn’t know? It was confusing like a lot. 

“you get used to it , I’m sure “ she said and smiled.  
The only other things dean knew you had first ‘get used ‘to were coffee and Shushi , so yeah they stood on the same place in deans heart like school. 

Suddenly Mary began to speak and dean had to say that it was pretty smart to start this talk in the car , were dean couldn’t run off , but then again she didn’t know dean and jumping out of a relatively slow wasn’t the craziest thing he would have done. 

“I think I have to apologise, we were totally surprised when the Child-“ Dean cut her off 

“if you carry on I will jump out of the car , I swear to god. “

she kept silent , good at least she cared about what he wants now or maybe it wouldn’t damage their reputation if dean would jump out of the car.

But this didn’t matter, he didn’t want to talk about this subject or like anything considering her and his dad. Nope not in this life, not in any life at all. He didn’t want to hear stupid and half-hearted excuses. 

As soon as the car stopped dean leapt out of the car. He ran into his room and the only thing he wanted to do , was to get this stupid uniform off his body. And maybe burn it but that wouldn’t be a good idea.

Could she just shut up for a while?

Dean was angry , he had every right to be, but he hated it to be angry , it was like his brain was itching and his skin was too tight for his body.  
So he needed something to relax, and then he had an idea. He took the weed he brought and some papes . 

Maybe smoking pot wouldn’t help with his problems but then again he didn’t care and it was the easiest way to escape for a few hours. He rolled himself a joint and lit it , he didn’t bother about the smell and maybe the danger of getting caught .

Yes he acted like an adult .Wait he actually acted like one particular adult he knew his whole life , god he becomes like his dad , running away from problems. But then maybe this was his destiny , the never ending circle of horrible fathers. Nope he won’t become like his dad , never , he would rather kill himself.

He groaned , the whole room smelled like pot , slowly like a tired sloth he shuffled to the window and opened it.   
It would work out he thought and took his backpack , doing maths homework while being high wasn’t the greatest idea he had ,as he chuckled over some random numbers. 

He finished all his homework and went to bed. Just to relax which turned in a 15 hour nap.

Well could be worse?


	16. Masterpiece

Besides that he was still a bit groggy from his 15 hours nap , the rest of the day was boring , dean was extremely glad that they didn’t had to hand in his homework , because like he expected, the things he wrote yesterday were literal garbage .

In the lunch break dean sat with castiel and the others.

”I got you something “ castiel said .

“what? “ dean asked.

”here “ castiel pulled a notebook out of his bag and gave him a few loses papers.

Dean looked at them 

“Oh my god cas that’s awesome! Thank you so much “   
the papers were filled with drawings of incredible painted monsters and zombies , they looked awesome dean though but the last one was different .In the background were huge scary looking monsters but in the front right in the middle, stood a person with a raised sword looking brave and ready to fight these creatures . 

That was the best gift dean ever got in his whole life   
“thank you “he said again. He couldn’t believe it

“it’s for your room , I thought it needed a personal touch” castiel smiled .

”ohh look at this cute couple “meg said grinning

“ohh shut up “ hissed charlie “give them their moment”.   
They all laughed and Castiel blushed bright red.   
The rest of the day was mostly boring , he asked the coach if he could join the basketball team and after a bit of begging he said that dean could show up tomorrow if he really wants. 

After that he went home again in his room , barricading himself in there. This was too strange, it was too normal he wasn’t used to something like this, every day with his dad was a bit of an adventure , mostly because the everyday fight of getting food and not getting beaten to death .

This here was different and he didn’t know if he liked that . Since he was here he was always so tired, he didn’t know why? Just that he wanted to sleep for a year straight. 

While he laid on his bed, he thought about his dad. So he didn’t hear something from him like he expected, dean guessed he was in jail? Maybe? or not , the chance that he would show up were like 0 . Dean was actually glad about that , kind of .   
He gained already some weight, which was great , since he looked the last months like a holocaust survivor okay maybe not that drastic , but close.   
Maybe he would finally stop to look like the wind would blow him away. 

Suddenly he remembered the drawings Castiel gave him and took them out of his bag.   
Yeah Castiel was talented like freaky talented. He took some the ugly framed pictures that looked like they might also hang in a doctor’s offices, and put Castiels Masterpieces on his wall. 

He looked at them for a while imagining little stories behind then when a knock ripped him out of his dreams , ohh god no.

”yeah?” dean asked .

The door opened and mary stood there , go away dean thought . 

“I was shopping today an bought you something “she said as casual as possible and smiled ,but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

Every time dean looked in her eyes when she looked at him , he saw the hurt in them , her eyes didn’t look like that when she looked at Sam . So it was deans fault, yeah his behaviour was the reason but what did she expected? That dean would forgive her as soon as she was nice to him ? nope in this way dean was a bit of a sadist she had to suffer to see how dean felt . 

“really?” he asked with a stone-cold expression. 

“yes here “ she gave him two huge shopping bags . Dean took it looked for a brief second in it, clothes like new clothes . 

Okay dammit she maybe got him with that. 

“Thanks “ he mumbled and put the bags on the bed . There was a lot in there actually, first he didn’t want to unpack them but then again the curiosity was stronger.

T shirts, shirts ,two dark jeans , boxer shorts in all colours and more. There was one pullover that caught his eye. It was olive green and felt like he was touching clouds, he stripped out of his shirt and put the pullover on blanking Mary totally out .

He looked at himself in the mirror, the pullover looked good , like really good. It wasn’t baggy or worn-out like the things he had before.   
“wow that’s awesome “he said. 

Mary smiled. Dean couldn’t remember the last time his dad bought him clothes and the clothes he bought were either from a stinky thrift store or were stolen from Walmart. They never felt like this on his skin. Mary turned to go and without thinking dean said  
“That’s the first time I get new clothes and not hand-me-downs, thanks “this time dean actually meant it. “You’re welcome , you can try them on and tell me which doesn’t fit “ she said and left. 

Dean digged through the bags and after an hour of staring at his new clothes there wasn’t one single piece that didn’t fit.

He put them in his wardrobe and went downstairs for dinner.

Mary looked happy as dean told her everything fitted, and dean smiled too. Dean told Sam that he would try to get into the basketball team.

Dean went to bed , today was a good day , yeah it actually was. He slept peacefully until of course he didn’t.

He dreamed of his dad, back in the day when he was little maybe 5 or 6 far too small for something like this , his dad would hit him but then when he sobered a bit up he would sit with dean and watch a stupid kids film. 

He took the carrot-and-stick approach pretty serious and so dean would stay quiet because he carved this rare moments like a drug , but someday the rewards stopped and the punishments became worse.  
But a small voice in dean’s mind still told him that he just needed to try hard enough and his dad would maybe say something nice to him for once.   
People with a normal mind maybe think dean was crazy for believing in something like that but that was all he knew.

So this stupid tiny voice told him that Mary would do the same as soon as she realise how useless and imperfect dean was.

And how hard dean tried to ignore this stupid tiny voice , it was still there .


	17. Lovely texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is sick and Dean misses him

Dean nearly fell asleep while eating his toast, he was more than sleepy ,he felt more like a zombie . 

The uniform was still scratchy on his skin and the tie felt like it was strangling him . God this day already started shitty ,he also packed his sport gear and went outside .

Sam was babbling about something but dean didn’t listen to him . He wondered why they didn’t take the bus, but he didn’t complain about it .

He still wasn’t sure what the hell Mr Sheppard and Mary were working , he knew that they both worked from their home , so a lot of jobs didn’t fit in this category ,perhaps Mr Sheppard was a mobster and reigned about a whole imperium of criminals . And yes Dean didn’t let go from the idea that Mr Sheppard was a mastermind villain, sue him.  
But what Mary did the whole day was still a mystery for dean, maybe she was his panther in crime and they would bury dean in their backyard if he asked too many question.  
Maybe he was a bit overthinking but he wasn’t so fond to get in any kind of trouble for the next years. 

They arrived at school everybody knew now that he was Sam’s surprise brother. Since Sam told somebody from his class who the guy who drove with him was . Not great but that’s better than any stupid rumours. 

Dean went to his first lesson and waited for the day to end. Castiel was sick today , he texted him in the morning and Dean missed him a bit , okay maybe more than a bit.

After his last lesson he had the first time training, the other guys a snobby looking baby faces who glared at him like he had the plague, ignored him until the coached decided that he actually fitted pretty well in the team . 

Dean grinned, the others just looked like somebody kicked them in the nuts. Yeah this is definitely going to be fun .

The training was okay nothing too shocking , until of course some guy with short brown hair , ran him over. Dean fell backwards with no elegance at all. 

“Eden “yelled the coach and the boy looked up from dean , ohh this shithead was grinning. 

“sorry sir “ he said and walked away. This fucker. 

“ignore Gadreel , he is an asshole “ said another boy and gave him a hand. Another strange name , dean thought . 

“I’m Gordon by the way “the boy said and smiled . 

“im dean “ the boy laugh ,huh what did he do again?

” I know who you are the whole school knows man “ ohh right . They walked back to the locker room  
“yeah?okay then “ dean said . 

The other boys slipped out of their sweaty sport shirts. Dean stood between them unsure what to do .The bruises weren’t really healed, just fading in a yellow greenish colour and while they trained he wore a long sleeved shirt. 

That wasn’t even the biggest problem the other thing was the scars that were like everywhere on his body and no some of them didn’t look like an accident at all.  
Great why didn’t he think of that before? God he was an idiot .  
Some boys already looked at him suspicious , so yeah fuck it dean thought and stripped out of his shirt.  
And only a second later “ The fuck happened to you “ asked one voice.  
Quickly he put his shirt on, he turned his head and great totally great, everyone was staring at him . 

“Huh?” was the only thing dean could get out. 

“what the hell , those bruises on you ?” asked one kid .

“had an accident “ dean said simply. 

“yeah of course “ said a snarky voice , dean looked to the owner of this voice and this Gadreel kid and looked at him grinning .Okay he already hated him .

”yeah “ dean snapped and thank god he was finished and left. 

He texted Castiel who told him the same, this Gadreel kid seemed to be a huge douche and everyone hated him but somehow he was still popular.That was reason why dean hated school .But then Castiel distracted him.

And then there was this message 

Castiel:  
Being sick is boring, Dean help me:o I missed you the whole day

 

Dean didn’t know that he could smile like a idiot for so long. 

Castiel missed him and he wrote it to him. Dean nearly squeaked, yeah pretty manly.  
But what should he write back?  
Oh damn, yeah great his non-existent social skills weren’t helpful.  
Okay yeah Dean didn’t stop texting him for the whole time he had his number. What should he do?

Sent to : Castiel  
Ohh that sucks:/ I really miss you too cas:(

The second he hit sent he regretted it .  
Castiel saw his text but didn’t reply for like 5 minutes and dean thought he had fucked up again.  
He was near a mental freak out when his phone buzzed.

Castiel:  
I miss you more for sure , but I hve to sleep :( Good night <3 

And then Dean lost it he squealed like an idiot.  
Yes Castiel was truly awesome, he thought. 

Castiel was the whole next week ill and Dean was bored to Death , Bobby came every second day and helped him with his school work and Gadreel found a new hobby to make stupid comments while they trained but nothing really happened.

But then , Saturday morning Cas asked him if he could came over. And of course dean said yes right away.

Cas came an hour later still a bit pale and sickly looking but as soon as he saw dean he smiled and deans stomach dropped. They went to deans room .

”oh nice “ castiel said as he saw his drawings on the wall. 

“yeah you really have talent “ dean said and Castiel blushed. 

“Soo dean , I came over for a reason you know ?” said Castiel and shuffled through his hair. 

“yeah which one?” dean asked. 

“yeah uhm I don’t know how to say it … I kind of really like you” he said and looked at dean. 

Okay yeah that was great actually no that was the best what ever happened to him. Castiel really liked him like really wow , he didn’t know what to say. 

“dean ?” cas asked he looked concerned 

“ I mean I just had to say it and I’m sorry if I offended you in some way “he started babbling 

“cas stop that’s like wow , I mean I don’t know what to say ? like wow. I really like you too . “ and then castiels faced lighten up 

“ yeah?” dean nodded and castiel looked like the cutest puppy in the world. 

Dean just stared in Castiels eyes , damn they looked beautiful. Like the ocean sparkling when the sun shines . 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Castiel asked and dean nearly yelled “Yes” . 

The kiss was sloppy a bit awkward at first but dean loved every second of it.  
When they let go from each other, dean just looked at Cas at every little thing on him , his messy hair and his blue eyes his Adams apple . 

And then Dean knew he was totally in love with Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter , tomorrow will be more. uploading so much because i'm sick and bored:D


	18. Are we dating now?

“Wait are we dating now?” Cas asked confused, Dean nearly laughed,but actually that was a valid question. 

“I guess?” he said and smiled 

“okay great” Castiel said and smiled . 

They kissed again and Dean's stomach fluttered like thousands of butterflies were in there , yes he knows how cheesy that sounds.  
Wait was he gay now? Hmm he liked Castiel , but before that he didn’t really think about any kind of relationship just because it wouldn’t work out , but now he was here and it could work right? 

Ohh that was actually more scary than he'd hoped it to be . Shit he’s gonna fuck this up .  
No he can't fuck this up , please not now he thought.

Cas ripped him out of his thoughts

“Dean are you alright?” He looked at him, his face still slightly blushed.  
Okay how does he explain that?

” uhm yeah I am .. I just-I dunno like how that works? The whole relationship thing you know, never did that before..” great job dean great job , applause for himself.

But Cas didn’t laugh  
“That’s okay, I’m also not used to it so we learn it together?”  
Dean nodded , thank god . The looked at each other for a while before Cas opened his mouth again 

“ I should maybe ask you if you are comfortable with the whole relationship thing?” 

wait what? Was that some code Dean didn’t get? Cas sensed his confusion 

“what I’m trying to say is that I wanted to asked you if you’re comfortable with being out in public , letting people know that we are together “ 

ohhhhh good point , Dean didn’t thought about that. 

“uhm? I guess? I don’t really care to be honest. “The people already judge the hell out of him so being with Cas wouldn’t make a difference .

“okay great “ said Cas and smiled drunkenly at him . Yes he really didn’t care. 

The rest of the day Dean was just happy like he smoked at least 10 joints and had a 200$ gift card for taco bell.

Yeah this was the best day in his life . 

Cas had to leave when it became dark outside , he promised that they would see each other on Monday . 

Dean went to bed smiling and this night he dreamed of castiels blue eyes.  
Yes he was happy. Like really happy. There were no words for it.

The Sunday was a lazy day for him, he didn’t do anything at all.  
Bobby came in the afternoon.  
“you look happy kid “Bobby said while Dean scribbled on his papers.

“yeah “ Dean said and smiled. 

“reason for that?” Bobby asked . Dean blushed a bit 

“ yeah “ he mumbled “meet someone awesome “ Bobby smiled a genuine smile .

“That’s great kid what’s her name?” okay should he lie , just give a random name but what if Cas finds out?

”uhm Castiel” he mumbled hoping Bobby didn’t catch that, Bobby was silent for a second

“Castiel Novak?” he asked. Oh crap . Dean nodded. Did he just outed himself ? 

“that’s great kid, he is a good boy” Bobby said and smiled .  
That was unexpected . 

They finished Dean's work and Bobby left but before that he looked at Dean and said

“ you deserve good , I hope Castiel makes you happy “. Dean smiled gratefully and thanked him . 

The rest of the day was slow Dean couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

The next day finally came and Mary was kind of surprised because Dean's mood had lighten a lot in just two days.  
Dean nearly stormed out of the car when they arrived at their school , Cas said he would wait in front of his classroom and actually he did. Dean suddenly realised that he had no idea what to do ? 

“hey missed you “ he mumbled . 

“I missed you too Dean “ Cas said .

Dean stood around a bit out of place , he kinda wanted to kiss him but he wasn’t sure if he should and like Cas heard his mind he leaned forward and kissed him. Yes perfect. 

Maybe school wasn’t that bad. They let go of each other and Dean smiled like a drunken idiot

“ we could start the day always like that “ Dean said and Cas laughed  
“ yes we should” okay school became a lot better right now.  
“I have to go, see you later “ said Cas and left . 

Dean huffed , okay everyone was staring at him .Hmm could be worse he thought and went to class .

Dean tried to concentrate but his mind wandered to Castiel , yes he was that cheesy and when the bell finally rang , Dean stormed out of the room.

Cas wasn’t there when Dean arrived at their table Meg and Charlie glanced at him grinning, ohh they know Dean thought. 

“sooo you and cassy?” Meg asked and grinned . 

“yeah “ Dean said happy . 

Cas came a moment later, he sat close to Dean , their bodies touching. 

“i missed you, “dean mumbled and cas smiled , meg groaned 

“ god couples everywhere “ cas smiled and said 

“you’re just jealous “ meg groaned again and covered her eyes "tell me when they stop ". 

After the break Dean went to his lesson , he and Cas were in the same course and when they walked together , the whole class stared at them . Dean waited for a stupid comment ,  
but nothing else happened. 

After that Dean went to his basketball training.  
The boys eyed him but nothing else happened again , but then again Dean knew something had to happen. 

After the training he went with the others to the locker rooms , Gadreel glared the whole time at him like he was plotting something . 

“so you’re a faggot now?” he asked and Dean froze in place . ohh he didn’t say that did he? 

“didn’t you hear me or did this faggot fucked your brain out?” Yeah now he was angry. 

“Shut your fucking mouth “ he barked. 

“or what ? “ Gadreel teased , Dean was close to punch him when Graham grabbed his arm and hold him back. 

“ shut up “ he barked “nobody wants to hear your shit “ Gadreel seemed even more pissed but he wasn’t that stupid to Dean's surprise and kept silent . Okay someday this fucker will regret that , Dean thought.

 

Dean considered to tell it Cas but he decided against it mostly because he didn’t want to ruin their day. 

He went home but then went to Cas' house . 

The house was the same size as theirs , so it was huge in Dean's eyes. 

He knocked and to all his disgust Anna opened the door , yeah she still wasn’t over the fight Dean had with her .

” what do you want here?” she asked slightly pissed. 

“I want to Castiel “ Dean said and smiled. She rolled her eyes 

“Cas “ she yelled .

He came down the stairs .

“hey Dean “ he said and smiled “wanna go in my room?” Dean nodded and grinned .

Cas' room was the coolest room he’d ever seen . One wall was plastered with drawings and it was a bit messy but , in the good way you know? Dean felt welcome here.  
When Cas closed the door Dean immediately kissed him.

Yeah he was definitely in love with him


	19. Tiredness and Paint

“Your room is really awesome “

Dean said as he laid with Cas on his bed .

”yeah?”

”yeah it looks like you, everything fits in there.”

Dean smiled and turned his face to Cas who snuggled to Dean.

”then we have to make your room look like you , too” he said and traced his finger through Dean’s hair. 

“How? “

“You’ll see, we will go shopping tomorrow “ Dean groaned

“you will like it ,I promise you” Cas said and Dean believed him .

Everything seemed to be in place in Dean’s life right now, okay not everything but close.  
He’d never imagined that he would end up here with Cas snuggled against him and happy.  
Dean just needed to figure out what he should do with the Mary problem , yeah forgiveness wasn’t an option right now.  
Maybe they could come terms with each other. Later that day when he was home again, 

Sam knocked on his door. He looked slightly embarrassed and didn’t meet Dean’s eye.

” What’s wrong? “Dean asked and looked up from his phone .  
Sam stood there leaning form one feet to the other. 

“I just wondered? are you and Castiel together like you know a couple? “ 

How on earth did he know that ? ohh right Dean was still the hot topic in school.

“yeah we are “ he said and looked in Sam’s face for any sigh of disapproval.

”ohh okay “  
“who told you?” he shrugged  
“come on Sam “  
“ Kevin saw you kissing him” okay then. Well that was easier than expected, dean thought  
“Do you have a problem with that “he asked with raised eyebrows  
“ no no it just I ohm didn’t thought you were you know “ he mumbled . 

“I’m a book full of surprises “ Dean said 

“yeah .. Well bye “ he said and left dean alone in his room. Strange Dean thought. 

Dean thought about it, yeah Sam was right he didn’t look like it , but how do you look like it?  
He knew that he had starred at girls and boys asses, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise and maybe his not really existent social life was a reason for that, Dean never really had friends or at least not for a long time and all this pressure of ‘ohh my god what will everybody think of me’ wasn’t there when there was nobody to impress?  
His dad would hate him either ways perhaps that made it easier. 

And certainly Dean had lots of time for himself and a crappy Laptop when he lived with his dad , so no real existential crisis for something you maybe already knew.  
Yeah he would’ve reacted differently when he had a normal life before, he thought, but this way was easier at least in the whole gay-part . 

He wasn’t sure what Mary and Mr Sheppard would think because they didn’t look like they would throw a party if they found out , another point were Dean disappoints , seems like this was his purpose in life. 

But he didn’t care because he didn’t own them anything. So life was good now.

The next day came and after school Cas actually dragged him to go shopping, okay they asked Mary first it the could redecorate and she went with them but still it was nice. 

“What’s your favourite colour “Cas asked as they stood in front of the paint buckets.

“Blue I guess?” Cas grabbed a bucket in held in front of dean face, yeah that was a pretty tone , so dean nodded . 

After that they bought all the painting supplies and some posters and pictures.  
Cas also forced him to buy a few pillows and bed sheets he liked and a lot of other stuff.  
Mary and cas seemed pleased . They went home and Cas totally went nuts with the paint.  
Dean didn’t do much because cas would fuss him away , the smell of fresh paint forced them to open the windows or else they would suffocate. 

“We forgot one thing , where will you sleep`” Cas said and laughed.  
Right that was a good question because the room was filled with the smell of drying paint which didn’t bother him so much anymore but sure it wasn’t healthy .

”We could have a sleepover at my house?” Cas asked and Dean started to grin 

“brilliant idea. “Mary didn’t have a problem with that, he just had to take all his school stuff with him.

 

So an hour later he was snuggled under a thick blanket while they watched a movie.  
Dean wasn’t sure if Cas’ parents would’ve said yes but they actually seemed happy that Dean came over , that was strange since Dean’s first meeting with them ended with him having a major freak out and yelling at everyone. 

“Do your parents like me?” he asked and buried his head in shoulder 

“Yes they do, why do you ask ?”

“Cause I yelled at them the first day we meet. “ 

“ 1. You yelled at Anna and 2. They are used to yelling, Dean they have 3 teenaged kids “  
Dean snickered , yeah maybe Cas was right. 

After the second film they both fell asleep.  
Yeah Dean could get used to that.

In the middle of the night Dean suddenly woke up. He was sweating , he peeled out of his baggy shirt and pyjama pants , for his defence he was half asleep and not really aware of his surroundings .  
So like you might guess the wakeup call in the morning was rather awkward. 

Inias stood in the door frame looking judgemental at them .

”You guys know that in this house are 4 other people “ Dean looked around confused what he was trying to say when he realised that he was only in his boxers .

Ohh that. 

He pulled the blanket up to his chin . yeah awkward .

” Get out “ Cas spat as soon as he realised. Inias rolled his eyes and closed the door.

”okay that was..” they both started to laugh hysterically.  
Cas got up first he went to his closet and pulled his uniform out but Dean starred the whole time at him , god he looked like an angel.

“You should maybe get dressed, too . Even though I don’t mind you starring.” Dean blushed, yeah he wasn’t real subtle.  
He stood up and walked to his bag and pulled his clothes out , he heard shuffling behind him . 

When he had put on his trousers the noise suddenly stopped. Dean turned around , Cas gaze was fixed at him , his mouth open.

ohh shit oh shit Dean totally forgot  
“these scars… they “ Cas turned pale like a sheet. Dean quickly put his shirt on.

” It’s not that bad “he said but Cas shook his head 

“Dean are those burns?” dean winced , damn he fucked up again . 

“ yes ..But that doesn’t matter , okay? Cas please I will tell you I promise just not today?” Cas considered this for a moment and then nodded , Dean was more than relieved he couldn’t have that kind of a talk in the morning or like ever. 

But he had to for Cas .

And this promise he wouldn’t break


	20. Down the rabbit hole

The day passed faster than he wanted to.

After his training where Gadreel made some comment dean didn’t even listen to, he meet with Cas after school at the parking lot .

God he didn’t want to , that would destroy his image for Cas. Great, he really didn’t want to . He had to though, so when Cas came few minutes later Dean was terribly nervous.

”hey “ said Cas   
“So we could go to my house and talk or?”

Dean shook his head, ”C-can we go somewhere else?”   
Somewhere where he wasn’t trapped in a room and no people near who could hear him.

“hmm we could go to the park?” Dean nodded . That was a good idea , lots of ways to escape , if things go down .

They walked close to each other shoulders nearly touching but just nearly .

Dean was the first time in this park, he didn’t even know that there was a park ? wait Dean focus he forced his mind to concentrate . 

They sat down on a bench .Dean folded nervous his hands on his lap.

“so uhmm what do you wanna know?”

Dean asked. Why was that so hard? He didn’t care when he told Mary or Sam, why now?  
ohh he knew because Cas mattered , Cas was the only person he didn’t want to think bad of him.  
And now he would know how weak and pathetic Dean actually was.

” Maybe you could start with why you have so many scars?” 

“okay uhmm so you know I lived with my dad ?” Cas nodded “yeah he wasn’t nice to me “ 

Cas eyes grew 3 times bigger “your father did that?” he whispered 

 

“ yeah ,uhm he was a nasty drunk and he .. When he was drunk he would beat me senseless or something.” 

Dean said and couldn’t look in Cas eyes, goddammit he was such a pathetic baby , Cas would hate him for sure.  
The silence stretched for what it felt like an eternity .

“ Dean ? I hate your dad “ Dean looked up, okay not the reaction he anticipated .

”you’re not mad?” he asked baffled , Cas shook his head .

”why should I ? “ 

“Because… “ Because everyone else was always mad at him or pitied him . Sam ,Mary ,Mr Sheppard, they all pitied him . Same with the Thomas , so telling somebody would actually just add somebody to the list of people who thought of him like he was something broken.

Dean shook his head . ” Cas you’re awesome “ Dean said and kissed him like his life depended on it. 

“You’re the strongest person I know “ Cas said to dean when they let go from each other. 

Maybe Cas could actually read his mind ? 

The day ended far better than Dean expected , they went back and finished his room and it looked awesome . Cas had a brilliant taste and Dean joked that he should consider to do it professionally.

Dean couldn’t find words for it how thankful he was. 

But something was wrong with Sam , he was warry around him and Dean didn’t know why. 

Dean didn’t know what he did wrong or how he could change it, first he thought that he had a bad day but after weeks passed and he avoided him even more , Dean definitely knew something was wrong. 

He tried to talk with Sam but he brushed if off like dean was crazy.  
And because problems always come in groups Gadreel made his life worse every day.   
It wasn’t like dean was the helpless victim here , but it still stung what he said after every training and he could pretend to be deaf but some words still came under his skin.

He was sitting in his English class and they talked about Lewis Carroll and other authors .Because why learn something useful when you can list 20 different authors ? Right who needs to know , how to write written applications or to pay taxes , when you can list some authors . Yeah that’s something that helps you in life.

Their teacher asked them if they could list some other famous authors. “Shakespeare “ a girl behind dean said . 

“ Edgar I dunno his middle name Poe “ Graham said . 

The class giggled “ well I suppose you are referring to Edgar Allan Poe?” Graham nodded. 

Dean raised his hand “Oscar Wilde “ his English teacher nodded in approval . 

But then Dean heard Gadreel behind him   
“Of course the faggot knows the only fucking gay author “. 

Maybe Dean didn’t react good at this time, because he jumped up and hauled Gadreel from his chair who landed with a loud thud on the ground .

Like he said , he didn’t react with his best behaviour .

Dean was shaking with rage , all muscle tense and ready to strike Gadreel . ”Mr Winchester” his teacher yelled and waved his hands around the air , like he could grab the answer . 

Dean’s mind slowly came back to him and ohh damn he fucked up 

“ To the director .NOW” 

Dean followed the order without protest . It was too late . Great job Dean.

Few seconds later his teacher followed him.

His teacher went in the offices first, dean waited in front of it , stomach twisting to tight knots . God Dean wanted to punch himself in the face with a chair or something . 

Then minutes later he was let in . The school director was sitting on his huge desk , like the first time dean meet him .

”I heard you had an incident with Mr Eden , am I right?” 

Dean nodded , keep your damn mouth shut you just make it worse

“I was also informed that Mr Eden made a triggering comment ?”

Dean nodded again 

“And that you didn’t hit or harm him in any way , besides pushing him of the chair?”

Dean nodded again , this time confused . He didn’t look angry , why? 

“That was a one-time incident , am I right?” 

Dean nodded . 

“I see , it won’t have any consequences for you besides that you will attend detention on Monday . But still I have to inform your parents.” 

He lectured him for a while , but then let him go .  
Okay that could have been a lot worse, he thought as he went back to class .  
A bit of a lecture and that’s it? That was easy .

He didn’t tell Cas but he was sure that by the end of this week , he would know . Dean went with Graham to their training and maybe grinned a bit when he saw how pissed Gadreel was. 

Yeah he played a bit aggressive today but only with Gadreel who glared at him like he pissed in his overprized sneakers.

Revenge was sweet . 

Graham was also grinning like an idiot . Gadreel would soon realise that his actions were a bad idea.

 

Because Karma is a bitch , they beat Gadreel’s team in the end , which seemingly pissed Gadreel even more off.

Dean was slipping out of his sweaty shirt when a hand pushed him a bit too hard against his the wall. 

He swirled around , Gadreel stood there , grinning with his stupid face. 

“Did you had to show everyone how though you are ? ‘cause your daddy hit you , is that why you’re a faggot ? Daddy issues?” he sneered and something clicked in Dean’s brain . 

 

This wouldn’t end well .


	21. To fix the broken

Well he was right this definitely wouldn’t end well. 

That never happened before even on his worst days his mind never became this blank? 

It felt like he wasn’t in his body anymore and just a silent observer nearby , who watched the whole scene but couldn’t stop it.

Gadreel stood in front of him. His big stupid smile laughed at Dean. The words still rang in Dean’s ears. 

He took a step forward and pushed him away   
“Fuck off “  
He yelled ,but Gadreel didn’t stop , his smile just grew wider .  
“ohh look at you , wanna cry and run to your boyfriend “  
He grabbed Dean’s arm and yanked him back. 

His grip was strong not as strong as his dad’s but still crushing. Dean pushed him away , Gadreel stumbled a few step backwards. 

“So this cocksucker can actually fight “  
Gadreel spat and Dean threw himself on him. 

Yeah now he really lost control . 

Gadreel didn’t had a chance to do anything , Dean had him in a death grip, punching him with all his force.   
Dean wasn’t sure who grabbed him and pulled him of Gadreel but in the end he was glad that somebody did because he wasn’t so sure if he had stopped when nobody stepped in between.

“WHAT IS GOING ON “

Their coach yelled and starred at the scene in front of him.   
Dean starred at him tried to open his mouth and say something but shut it quickly.  
He grabbed his things and ran out while his coach yelled at him to stop and come back immediately.

He wanted to scream , to actually hit his head against a wall until everything went black.   
He didn’t care that Mary wanted to pick him up , he just ran without a direction down the road , away from the school and Gadreel. 

Until his mind brought him to the park he visited with Cas few weeks ago.   
He collapsed on the bench burying his head in his hands. 

Yeah he fucked up majorly .   
What did he thought?   
Is he stupid?  
He will get kicked out for sure.  
Great.   
He was the best child on the world.   
It’s a wonder that they didn’t already kick him out .   
God job Dean god job.  
His knuckles were red but the skin wasn’t damaged , at least something?   
He didn’t want to go home because he was quite sure that the school called again after that kind of incident for sure.

But he had to because , first it was extremely cold and he only wore a sweaty tank top and second he was felt sick and he didn’t want to puke in front of people .  
So he walked as slow as possible back home but eventually he stood on their porch and knocked. 

He was shaking just partly from the cold .

The door was ripped open only a second later, Sam stood in the doorframe, glaring at Dean like he was the devil in disguise.

”What the fuck did you do?” he demanded.   
But before he could answer Mary stepped in his view and pulled him inside 

“Dean the school called, you beat up a kid?”   
She asked with an angry tone in her voice, Deans throat tighten ,no words crossed his lips. 

Then he nodded.  
”why did you do this?” she asked .

”i-“  
He couldn’t say it . It wouldn’t come out of his mouth. 

But then the whole conversation made an unexpected turn.

”WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME HERE ? IN OUR LIFE?” Sam yelled.   
Mary turned to him.   
“What “   
Asked Dean confused, where did that come from? 

Sam starred at him , his head bright red and heavily panting 

“YOU RUIN EVERYTHING, W-WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE STAYED THERE .EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE “ he yelled. 

Ouch that hurt, Dean swallowed dry .

So that was the reason Sam was so strange around him, he hated him and Dean didn’t blame him   
“Sam” Mary said sharply

“NO HE JUST COMES HERE AND MAKES A MESS AND NOBODY CARES THAT’S NOT FAIR”

Yes he was right it wasn’t fair. Dean was a parasite in their family.

”SAM” Mary yelled this time and Sam stormed of.

Dean stood there, frozen in place starring at the spot Sam previously stood. Sam was right it was unfair.   
“Dean “ Mary said but Dean shook his head frankly and did the same as Sam . He ran into his room slammed the door behind him and turned the key around. 

No you don’t cry right now Dean’s mind yelled at himself but it didn’t stop the salty tears rolling down his face.   
He sat on the floor sobbing silently , his head buried in his arms.   
He couldn’t do anything right ,he was terrible . He didn’t deserve anything here , he didn’t deserve Sam or Cas .  
He should have stayed with his dad , that was what he deserved because he was just so fucking pathetic. He hated himself for crying like a baby and that he couldn’t stop it he was such a disappointment. 

Sam was right his mind yelled at him non-stop . He grabbed his hair , the only thing what he wanted right now was the pain to stop . 

Why was everything so hard? 

Why couldn’t he be good?

He should have died that day, when his dad beat him , he thought and shuddered.  
And now he was ruining a perfectly fine family . 

God job you pathetic idiot . 

 

Mary knocked at his door , Dean just stayed silent , but even at this he failed. 

Maybe he would cry himself dry and die from dehydration.   
Then every problem would be solved. And everyone would be happy again, even Cas was better without him. Dean would ruin him like he did with this family.

Because everything he touches breaks .He shouldn’t have good things in his life , he makes them bad and broken . 

. “I should go” he mumbled to himself after he had again control over his voice.  
His tears finally stopped and he scrambled to his feet.

He crawled under his thick blanket and closed his eyes. But the peaceful sleep didn’t come.

Sams voice still rang in his ears.   
He had to fix it , as an apology , but how? It was too late for that right?No it wasn’t , he could fix that and he would .

 

Because he needed to fix something the first time in his life .


	22. Burning Bridges

Sam was right , yes every single word that he yelled at Dean was true. 

Dean would fix it , because they deserved better .  
Finally he knew how to make them whole again . 

The fight , was it even a fight?or whatever it was , was like the one last drop that caused the huge wave , that was now running him over. 

Dean stood up and opened his wardrobe .  
His old duffle bag laid in the corner , a thin film of dust covering it .  
He grabbed it and put his old clothes inside, he didn’t want to take the clothes with him that Mary had bought for him .  
He had to leave with the things he came here .

But two things he couldn’t leave behind .  
He stuffed the comfy pullover inside his bag and carefully placed the drawings in there too. He should leave them here too, but he couldn’t . 

Then he took a piece of paper out , ripped it in two pieces and scribbled hastily on it . His fingers were shaking while he wrote and it looked more like a pre-schooler wrote it but fuck it .

Should he really do it? Yes he should. With every ninja ability he had, he opened the door of Sam’s room and laid it on Sam’s desk  
. Thank god everyone was asleep right now . Sam laid in his bed , deeply snoring and not noticing Dean’s presens in the room .

Yeah he would make it right .  
Silently he went downstairs, he knew where Crowley put his wallet and took the whole cash out of it.  
Yeah bad conscience shut up but he needed at least a bit of money to make his plan work and they had enough.  
So he would make this family whole again therefore he had to go.  
Yeah that was their only chance. He left the house and started to walk .

It was dark , not that it surprised him since it was 2 in the morning .Only the street lights and the flashy Christmas decorations lightened the dark a bit up , so he could actually see where he was walking . 

He shuddered it was far too cold outside . He walked until he stood next to Cas’ house and placed the second paper in their mail box .

He looked at the house , no light shine through the windows and for a moment he wanted so deeply in his heart to go back, but it was too late . He walked until saw the bus stop , bless the Lord that this town had a night bus .  
He was half frozen to death when the bus stopped .  
The bus driver didn’t even bat an eye on him as he sat down .  
He wanted to drive to Lucifer ,yeah he promised him that and he had to keep his promises .The drive was short and then when the bus stopped , Dean walked a few streets until he arrived at the train station which was obviously empty. 

yeah it was late in the night of course no decent human being would take a train .He took the first train in Lucifer’s direction and dozed off while he sat nearly alone in the whole train .

Yes he had to fix it and he would, he just had to disappear for like two years , because when he turned 18 nobody could bother him anymore .  
That couldn’t be so hard right?  
He did that his whole life, with his dad he wasn’t a person more like a shadow that didn’t last or make an imprint. He could do it he told himself.  
He would get over Cas and Cas and his Family would forget him like the shadow he actually was .  
Yes it was for the best , sometimes a person had to suffer so the others could be happy .  
That’s how it works and Dean just happened to be the person who had to suffer.  
Sounds actually a bit poetic , like a hero that is destined for the greatness and had to endure so much so he could save his kingdom. Kind of like the pictures that Cas drew for him , no stop it brain you have to forget Cas .

The train stopped at his destination. But he had to take the bus again and arrived Lucifer’s house in the morning , yeah he was tired .  
He didn’t want to knock and he didn’t want to draw too much attention to him , so he walked to the skate park.  
But how could he get Lucifer’s attention ? 

He called him. “what the fuck Dean , it’s 5 in the morning ?”  
Dean laughed god he missed this bastard “ I promised to visit you , so yeah I’m here ? wanna come to the skate park ?”  
silence for a few seconds then “ you’re my death you know that? Fuck yeah be there in 20” he said.  
Dean was a nervous ball of energy and finally after 2o minute Lucifer arrived his hair still a bit messy.

”Dean-o “he yelled and Dean stood up “how’s it going?” he suddenly looked suspicious “ everything alright?”  
“yeah of course “ he didn’t seem to believe him “you sure?” Dean nodded  
“well then how are you , how is everything with Cas?”  
Dean froze for a second but then lied “ great ,really great.”  
“okay awesome “ Lucifer smiled .  
They talked for a while until Lucifer looked at his watch  
“ sorry Dean-o but I have to go to school or they kill me”  
Dean swallowed “yeah of course “  
Lucifer seemed to notice something wasn’t alright , “ you sure that you are doing okay?” 

Dean nodded “uhm I got you like a late present you know? Not really a present because I suck at buying these but here .”  
He gave him a folded paper with 100 dollars in it Lucifer eyes widened “ wow Dean shit you are really rich right?”  
Dean huffed “ so yeah Lucy you are the best friend I ever had just that you know “  
“ohh you got a bit sentimental ?” Dean laughed this time.  
”well you to I hope I see you soon, you still there when school Is over?” Dean shook his head. 

“Well then see you soon” he said and left .  
No Dean thought , he wouldn’t see him soon .

He left and went back to the train station , he had to get into a bigger city . Somewhere anonymous and then he could disappear. This time the train was stuffed with people and Dean only wanted to sleep but he couldn’t ,he looked out of the window. Yes this was the right choice he ruined Sam’s and Mary’s life. If he was away it would help them for sure .  
And then when the trains stopped and the people stormed out of it , he knew he was right .  
Nobody here would look at him twice .  
He shuddered violently , it was colder here but he didn’t care.  
He needed a place to stay , okay he had money but for how long? So he had to be careful , and the best free place was a library .  
It was huge but he was too tired to admire the building .  
He snuck in the back of the library , his bag clutched in his hand and he drifted off. He didn’t know how long he slept but he got woken up by an annoyed looking librarian and quickly left.  
Dean wasn’t rested but he wasn’t a walking zombie anymore.  
He wandered around through the crowded streets.  
Yeah this was the right choice.  
He had to get out of the centre of the city , too expensive and too many watching cameras.  
So he walked in one direction until his feet grew tired . 

This was his life now. 

 

But sometimes he had to burn the bridges behind him to move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how public transport works in America, so i'm sorry if i was with anything wrong:D


	23. Happy Holidays

“I did the right thing “ Dean said to himself .  
Yes he did the right thing ,because they would be whole again.

He walked past shops that were filled with annoyingly flashy Christmas decoration and smelt like sweet sugary treats and of course his stomach needed to call attention for itself . Okay eating might be a good idea , because starving wasn’t a pleasant death at all. 

He couldn’t go to a deli or a restaurant because well this stuff there is expensive .  
So he ended up in a grocery store and Jackpot he thought as he saw the free samples of colourful glazed cookies .

Did he already sank this low?  
Hmm yeah he did and went to them .  
The employee greeted him happy and offered him a sample which Dean obviously took , because well it’s free . 

So when the employee didn’t look for a second Dean grabbed as much as possible and stuffed it in his pockets . 

Okay stuffing cookies in your pockets might not be the brightest idea he ever had in his life .

Then he grabbed the cheapest soft drink that probably tasted like plastic , a sandwich and paid for them .

On his way to a place where he could stay at least to get warm again and stop freezing he stopped at a Shopping mall . Dean sat down on a bench and munched his now clearly crumbled cookies and yeah he was right the drink actually tasted like sugar coated plastic. 

He would stay here until they close and then find a place for himself, he realised that he didn’t really think about the whole plan , because he didn’t have any supplies like a sleeping bag or a toothbrush . 

God you’re a genius Dean.  
He would figure it out somehow he told himself .

A annoying buzzing ripped him from his thoughts .  
Ohh right his phone  
.He looked at the screen . Mary was calling him , not gonna answer that he thought and put his phone back in his pocket. 

He should get rid of it , maybe he was a bit paranoid but he didn’t know what you can do with enough money , so tracking his phone wouldn’t surprise him . 

Should he sell it?  
Okay maybe not since it was a shitty cheap phone that was more broken than working. 

Therefore he tossed it in the bin .

The Mall was getting less crowed and to Dean’s disliking he shushed out of it.  
He went to the next public spot and the next until the sun was rising again. Okay now he was Dead tired , he had to sleep like now. 

But where?  
He didn’t want to go to a shelter because he was afraid that they would do something because he was underage. Well there was another option. 

He could go to a warming centre , since the people there didn’t have enough time to care or look at him more than once .  
But where was one? 

Dean found one after walking for it felt like hours .  
So when he said that the apartments were shitty where he stayed with his dad he didn’t know how shitty this was.  
The house or whatever it was smelt like sweat and piss , but at least it was warm and he actually got a warm soup .

He was so tired that he didn’t care that he sat in a room with strange people that weren’t so trustworthy and fell asleep. 

He got woken up by , he guess an employee , that said he had to leave because they would close.  
Okay great again he had to go in the freezing cold.  
Well shit.  
“you are an idiot “ Dean mumbled as he wandered down the streets. 

It slowly became to a routine he would wander from a warm public place to the next . 

He didn’t want to start stealing but the fear of losing all the money he had was stronger .

Yeah okay he achieved a new low , it was the day before Christmas and he was freezing like every day since he first stepped out of the train. 

He just wanted to lay in his warm comfy bed and sleep for years .  
But no , he couldn’t and he hoped that his family had already forgotten him.  
Yeah and he couldn’t think about Cas. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t miss him but it was for the best .

So he did what he always did the past weeks , he went to the centre and got some food . It was more depressing now he thought as he saw how many people didn’t have a home over the holidays and now he was one of them . 

He wanted it to be over , all the snow and the festive stuff should disappear .  
God that was depressing .

“you look tired kid?” asked a voice next to him .  
Dean turned his head , a scruffy man with wild hair looked at him.  
“yeah” Dean mumbled , he didn’t trust the people here , so he hoped the guy would drop the subject and leave him alone.  
“Can’t sleep? “he asked , okay Mr Scruffy-face could you please go?  
Dean nodded , because 1. He didn’t want to anger a strange guy and 2. He didn’t want to cause any trouble.  
“Could help you with that. “ Dean looked at him again, okay well this became strange and stranger.  
“okay?why?” Dean asked because Mr-scruffy-face didn’t look like he had a huge amount of resources.  
”’cause you’re too young to be alone on Christmas “ he said “think ‘bout it” he hold his hand to Dean. 

Okay strangest moment In his life.  
What should he do? 

He held his hand out and the strange man opened his one and a small plastic bag fell out of it.  
Ohh OHH okay well that was uhm nice of him?  
Dean closed his hand immediately and starred at Mr-scruffy-face-drug-dealer. 

“uhmm th-thanks?” Dean croaked.  
“Happy Holidays “ said Mr scruffy-face and stood up.

He left Dean there with his hand clutched around the small bag . Okay okay yeah that was more than confusing Dean thought and stood as well up and left. 

It was already dark outside , he went to an alley and opened his hands. A tiny pill was in the small bag , a smiley was printed on it . 

okay for Dean’s defence , he was tired and depressed. 

So a mystery pill seemed to be a pleasant change right now .  
No it wasn’t a good idea to take the pill for sure but fuck it .

Dean sat down on the cold ground and swallowed the mystery pill . Nothing happened at first so he stood up and walked a bit before it hit him. 

Everything became fuzzy and his skin suddenly felt like it was burning . He backed away behind a dumpster because he thought he might vomit . 

Suddenly he lost control over his legs and fell on his ass. Yep good job Dean , you’ll die now , on Christmas.Merry Christmas a voice told him in the back of his head .Then everything became black , the last thing he could think of was how scared he was . 

Because now he wouldn’t see Cas ever again. He was so afraid , because now he saw what he would loose and he regretted that he left. He was an idiot and now when everything was too late , he saw what he missed. 

 

This was the worst Christmas ever.


	24. A christmas miraclel

Sam was aware of that he totally overreacted . 

But Dean just came here and changed everything ! 

He knows that he acts selfish and that Dean didn’t do anything wrong but he couldn’t help it .  
He was angry at him , the whole world suddenly only cared for him .   
His mum , his dad and even everyone in school just cared about the strange new guy .

That was unfair like Sam didn’t even exist anymore , because Dean took his place and kicked him out of the view. And that was unfair .   
The tip of the iceberg was reached when Dean outed himself , Sam didn’t expect Dean to be gay , certainly he didn’t look gay , More like a petty criminal .   
Sam knew that he judge him too soon , because Dean was actually pretty cool but then Dean could do anything and his parents wouldn’t even be mad . Okay there was one incident , where his mother was actually quite angry but then after Dean’s freak out she apologized to him?

‘Dean had a hard life ‘ she said to him as Sam complained about it .   
Okay that was true , Dean’s life was terrible before he came here but that shouldn’t give him a Green card for everything. 

Then Yesterday Sam’s crush Jess couldn’t stop talking about Dean , how handsome and cool he was .So she asked Sam if he could give Dean her number , of course Sam asked her why because she knew that Dean was gay . It didn’t matter to her , she wanted to become friends with Dean because well Dean is cool and apparently Sam isn’t .

And then when he came home from school his mother was furious.   
The school had called because Dean got in trouble but they didn’t call once no they called twice , because Dean got twice in one day in huge trouble . And his mother was mad , so maybe it would become fair again .

Dean came home late and the fight started , Sam didn’t want to freak out and yell at Dean but he was just so pissed . 

After that he felt awful because the moment he yelled these horrible things at Dean , he saw in his face that he believed them . Dean’s eyes looked like he believed every single word that Sam yelled at him with pure rage . And that took him back .

He didn’t want this and he wanted to apologise right after , but he couldn’t .   
The rage was still too strong in him . He felt so unbelievable awful. The next morning Sam woke up and got slowly dressed . 

He nearly left his room when he found a piece of paper . He didn’t put it there? He looked at it and the time seemed to stop . On the paper was written ‘You’re right Sam , I’m sorry for destroying everything . I will make it right now , you can be whole again . Dean ‘ 

Oh no . Sam ran in Dean’s room , nobody was in there. He looked everywhere but no sign of Dean . He ran in the kitchen .

”everything okay ?” asked his Dad . 

“Dean is gone “ he whispered and held up the message . 

His Dad immediately took the note and paled on instant . 

“what’s going on “His mother asked as she walked in the kitchen . 

“Dean ran off “ his Dad said. Sam never saw this look on his mothers face , he couldn’t describe it but he didn’t want to see this look on her ever again . 

His Dad called every friend Dean had but he wasn’t there , then the police arrived .

Sam felt like everything was his fault which it was . If he didn’t act like such an asshole Dean would be still here . The police searched through the whole town but there was no single sign of Dean . Then his dad discovered that his wallet which was previously stocked with money was now gaping empty . 

So Dean had enough money to actually get far away from them . His mother didn’t stop crying , she blamed herself even though it was in reality Sam’s fault . 

She only got Dean back after all those years and now she lost him again because Sam was an asshole. Days passed and still nothing from Dean , the police was now sure that he wasn’t in any town nearby . 

Dean left everything behind him what he was given here , he went away with the things he came . And Sam’s self-hatred grew with every day in which Dean was missing . 

After the first week Sam had the bad feeling that Dean wouldn’t come back at all. He didn’t say it out loud but his dad seemed to think the same .

Then after the second week his mother stopped crying. 

He never had such an horrible Christmas .  
On Christmas eve they stayed the whole day at home , his mother still thought that Dean might show up. Sam didn’t .

Dean was gone for nearly 3 weeks and the police didn’t even had a clue in which state he could be. He went off with 800 $ , with that amount you could get away for sure. And there was also a chance that he left the country , who knows?¬ 

He also had the bad feeling that something horrible happened to Dean and then it was 100 % Sam’s fault. 

Then on Christmas day , Sam didn’t want to open any gifts , because truly he didn’t deserved them . They didn’t do anything ,then suddenly the phone rang .   
His mother picked it up and then her face lighten up like it didn’t in the last weeks .

“ is that true ?” she asked tears started to running down . Sam starred at her . 

“okay we will come immediately “ she said and hung up . 

“ they found Dean “ Sam’s mouth fell open “he is in the hospital” ohh no .

 

What did Dean do?


	25. The prodigal son

Dean was pretty sure he was dead or at least dying . 

Whoever told Dean that dying didn’t hurt was a fucking liar , his body felt like he was burning alive , like his veins were filled with acid and his lungs full of cotton. 

So whoever told him that will be haunted by an angry 16 year old gay ghost. But seriously he was never in his life so afraid .Maybe he was already dead and this was some kind of punishment?   
Being afraid for an eternity and knowing how much he fucked up . He didn’t want to , he really didn’t want to die .  
God please have mercy with him , and yes he came to the point where only god could help him. 

He felt like everything became more and more slower , like somebody put the time on slowmo .

Maybe this was his own hell , knowing that he would never see Cas again . He was fucking 16 years old , he didn’t deserve to die! But still it seemed that this was happening right now.   
Yes he was dying on Christmas in an shabby alley behind a dumpster . That’s a new low in his now ending life . Good job Dean , that’s like one of the most embarrassing ways to die. Really good job Dean you can be proud of yourself . 

Then something changed , the pain came back and slowly he opened his eyes. Everything was far too bright , yep he was dead for sure.   
But this didn’t look like hell or heaven? 

Okay maybe not so dead? Because the bed he was laying on was quite hard and smelled like antiseptics .

His eyes caught a person who was sitting on a plastic chair in front of him . There was a beeping noises that pissed Dean more of than it should .   
Damn his head hurt like an elephant stepped on it , okay so he wasn’t dead or heaven was just as shitty as earth . But the worst was his throat, which felt like he puked the last 5 hours straight .   
He coughed and an acid taste filled his mouth . 

“Dean ?” he looked at the figure who had moved since he the last time he looked at it . It was Mary , she looked like she didn’t sleep in 4 days and cried for at least one more .   
Dean must have looked confused because she said again, 

“Dean ? How are you feeling?” Okay this was the last sign he wasn’t dead and he was more than relieved , because well dying wasn’t something he wanted to do any time soon. 

So his near death experience made him a bit mentally unstable and he started to cry without knowing exactly why. Mary came to him , first uncertain if she should touch him or not but then when she decided for it Dean clung at her like his whole life depended on it . 

“I- I’m S-sorry ,s-so sorry-y “ he rasped .   
“Oh Dean I’m sorry.It’s not your fault “ she soothed .

He shook his head ,”I make everything wrong “ Dean said and cried harder . 

“ No No you don’t Dean “ she said with a calming voice .

Dean cried himself empty , he didn’t even know that this was possible but apparently it was. He also didn’t remember falling back asleep , but when he woke up the next time it wasn’t dark outside anymore . His mother sat still on the plastic chair only her position changed . 

“ Mary ?“ he croaked and she looked up, “Dean , how are you feeling ? are you thirsty ? Do you need something?” too many question to process Dean thought .

“I – water? Please? “ did that make sense ? He hoped so and as his mum gave him a cup with a straw he knew that she understood him . The straw didn’t want to meet his lips and he struggled like an idiot to get this damn straw between his lips .The water was like a gift from heaven . He gulped it down in two sips and then he looked at Mary . 

“I-I’m sorry for everything “ he whispered .That wasn’t a lie , he really was . 

“Dean we all made some huge mistakes , we are so glad that we found you and we all love you .You are a part of this family like everyone else . And when you left we were all so devastated . “ she said “I couldn’t loose you another time “ another time? Wait what? When did she loose Dean before? 

“Another time? “ he asked confused . “what do you mean?” . She looked at him and she suddenly looked so old and tired . 

“I lost you when your father took you 13 years ago . “Hold on , that started to sound like a totally different story .

“Dad said you left?You didn’t left ?” She shook her head , her eyes became watery .

“ No of course not ! You are my child I would never..” Okay what? No that didn’t sound like the story his dad told him   
“Dad said you had an affair and left us behind “ Dean stated . 

“No Dean , I didn’t have an affair. “Dean stared at her with disbelief 

“Your father was an horrible man . Dangerous for everyone around him . When I became pregnant for the second time , I realised that I needed to get us away from him . I went to the police nearly every day but they didn’t do a thing . I don’t know if you remember it , but we lived in a small town where your Dad lived since he was born . Everybody knew that he was a monster but everybody kept quiet . Crowley was a childhood friend of mine , we didn’t talk for years but I couldn’t bear it anymore and he was my only hope at this time . He helped me to get away with you two and everything went fine . Until the police stood in front of our door and accused me for kidnapping you . I had to sent you back , because your father was friends with the police officers there and they told the authorities that I was a bad mother and that I neglected you . I didn’t want to leave you but I wasn’t allowed to see you since I was still a danger in the eyes of the authorities. And then one day I was finally allowed to see you again your dad left with you . Nobody knew where you and your father were and we searched for so long , but there was no sign from you . You disappeared after I finally had all my rights back as a mother . “ 

Dean’s mouth fell open . Literally his whole life was a lie? Everything he thought about his mother was wrong and now he felt like a dick for acting like that . His father really fucked him up . 

He couldn’t find any words , Mary didn’t abandon him like a stray dog . She actually cared about him and the only reason he didn’t have her in his life was because his dad was the biggest asshole on the planet? He’s gonna kill him . 

Mary looked at him with concerned eyes but before she could say anything ,Okay his near death experience changed his mind and she definitely earned it now because he was sure that his dad wouldn’t sit here, he said, “I missed you mum” 

 

And yes she definitely earned it.


	26. Saying Sorry

Dean slept the rest of the day , mostly because he was exhausted but secondly because he didn’t want to face any doctors.

Of course they called the authorities who wanted to talk to him , because well he was underage and overdosed and also on the missing person list.   
So trouble was ahead of him .And sleeping was right now much easier than facing the trouble he got himself into . 

But in the late evening his angry growling stomach betrayed him again and he opened his eyes. His mother sat on the plastic chair in front of him . She looked now even more exhausted 

Wow she didn’t leave? Dean was impressed . 

“How are you feeling? “ his Mum asked him .

She had changed her clothes Dean realised . 

“I’m good “ he rasped because his throat still hurts like a bitch . “ A bit hungry maybe “ he added . 

His Mum smiled “The nurses brought you something for lunch . “

Dean looked at the untouched tray next to him “if you don’t like it I can arrange something different “she said with a small smile. Dean shook his head .

 

He could eat anything right now and it was certainly better than anything he got in the last few weeks . 

“No it’s fine “ he said and grabbed the bowl that was standing on the tray . 

Okay the greyish cold porridge actually looked like puke but hey this wasn’t the lowest point in his life and he ate worse food than that. It tasted like it looked . Grey. Yummy , this was the slimiest porridge he’d ever eaten but then again not the worst. Maybe the pudding would make it better? He poured the vanilla pudding in the porridge under the watchful eyes of his mother . At least it got some colour now . He tried a bit and immediately regretted it . God , Gordon Ramsey would faint if he tasted a bit of it . Still he somehow managed to get everything down and then put everything neatly away.

 

”where is sam and Crowley?” Dean asked .

“They are right now in the cafeteria .they can come if you want?” his mum asked .

ohh no .Sam hated him nope he wasn’t eager for him turning up.   
“Uhm no its okay “ Dean said

“Sam is really sorry for what he did “ 

Hold on what? Okay that wasn’t what he’d expected. This was maybe drawn on his face because his mother’s continued with speaking and said ,”He didn’t mean it and he blamed himself for everything. I don’t try to protect him for what he said but I think you two maybe need a good talk” 

Ohh come on .why did everyone wanted to talk about their feelings? But still Dean nodded and half an hour later Sam showed up . Dean’s jaw nearly dropped as he saw how guilty and miserable Sam looked.

”Hey Sammy “ Dean said and smiled . 

“Hey . I’m so sorry “Sam blurted out .

”It’s okay I get it really I get you Sam . Don’t worry .” Sam frowned 

“no Listen please. I really said horrible things to you that I didn’t really mean and I shouldn’t have said that .It was stupid and I was angry because you changed everything , but that’s not your fault . really I was just an huge ass and I don’t deserve you as a brother and when you were gone I saw for the first time that you were a part of the family and I drove you away because I was a selfish rich brat that didn’t understand anything of the things you have gone through . And you don’t need to accept my apology because I would totally understand you .” 

Wow . That was a speech , did he write that down? Probably. 

“Of course , I mean wow dude big words and stuff but of course I accept it. “ Dean said and Sam smiled at him .He looked like a heavy weight was taken from his shoulders

“thank you “ 

“you know Sam it’s a honour to have you as an brother “ Dean said and grinned and Sam was startled for a second before all of the sudden he came to Dean and hugged him really tight .Jesus that kid was strong for his age. 

“sorry “ Sam mumbled a bit embarrassed and Dean laughed as he saw how Sam’s faced turned a bit red.

”Don’t be . “They talked for a while and his mum and Crowley joined them. A nurse brought Dean his dinner, chicken soup that tasted as bland as the porridge .How do the manage that? Is there like some special way of making food that it tasted like wet paper? God he needed some real food. The nurse told him that tomorrow he could try more solid food and he was quite thankful for that because another day with slim wasn’t something he needed right now .  
After that his mum told him that they had a hotel room near the hospital and since his mum had stayed with him since they had arrived he ushered her to get some sleep. She promised that she would come tomorrow morning and Dean smiled because she actually cared about him like a real mother .Why was he suddenly so sentimental? Hmm before he could think about that any more he fell asleep a few seconds later .

How could he be so sleepy ? Ohh well nearly dying is a bit exhausting he had to admit. 

His mind wandered around and he was still not sure if the last 24 hours actually happened .He couldn’t believe that his whole life was just a lie? Everything he believed of his mum was false and the reason for that was his batshit crazy father . Because said father was maybe too angry or jealous of his ex-wife that he needed to take something major away from here. Yes his dad was a bigger dick than he had thought . 

He went through 13 years of living hell for nothing? 

He was like a trophy , his dad had won this fight maybe over his mum . Taking his whole childhood away from him so he could make himself better in his shitty life .God that was pathetic. But what can you expect from a man who beat up their 7 year old for crying?

He woke up far too early because apparently doctors didn’t care that you tried to sleep .   
Assholes .   
They asked him a few question and told him that he was lucky that somebody found him . He wasn’t stupid he knew what else could have happened but honestly he didn’t want to think about it.

 

He just hoped that he could go home soon .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait:o Updates will come regularly again


	27. Message Man

He could leave the hospital tomorrow since everything was clear and Dean wasn’t sure who would pay for his stay but apparently Crowley did.

Sam brought him a new phone after Dean mentioned that he threw his old one away and Jesus Christ money was awesome.  
His new phone was nicer and better than everything he’d had in his life before . 

Mary brought him some clothes from home since well he smelled like a dead cat behind a dumpster. 

He showered and of course he had to take a look in the mirror . He didn’t look that bad okay he lost weight maybe he was a bit lighter than the time he arrived at his mums house and he looked pale but after a long shower he was again presentable .

A social worker came an hour later and wanted to talk to Dean because he might have caused a rather huge police action . Great job Dean great job. The woman introduced herself and asked a few normal question before she came to the actual point. 

“Why did you leave?” 

ohh uhm so at this point dean needed to be careful because he could majorly fuck this up . 

“ uhm.. I had a fight in my school.. and the guy made fun of me because I was gay and stuff and made fun of my … boyfriend and he made fun of me since I arrived and then he grabbed me and I just flipped ?! After that I left and walked around … I came back a few hours later which was really shitty of me because I scared everyone and I shouldn’t have done that and I—Sam was angry because I fucked up and we started to fight like brothers do and he didn’t meant what he said he just flipped like I did and I thought I should leave . It was stupid I see that now but I didn’t know what to do at this time and I fell really bad for doing that .”

The social worker nodded and scribbled something down .

”where did you stay the whole time?” 

“I uhm stayed in shelters and other public places “ She stopped for a second and asked 

“ You were homeless the whole time?” Dean nodded and she scribbled that down again . 

“You came in contact with drugs am I right?”  
ohh fuck .

“uhm yeah… but I mean not when I lived with my mother . Uhm a guy in a shelter gave me some and I just tried it because I’m a huge idiot . “Well said Dean , god this isn’t going like he planned .

”You aren’t an idiot Dean “ You don’t know me miss Dean thought but kept quiet . 

“You made a mistake which is normal for a person “ Yeah well but not that kind of mistake . The rest of the conversation was boring mostly question about his home life and how he was feeling now . When the Social worker lady finally left Dean was exhausted like dead tired . 

 

And soon enough the next day came and he was sitting with everyone in the car . Mary glanced every minute or so at him like she was afraid that he would just vanished and Dean didn’t blame her for that . The right was shorter than he thought and soon enough he remembered the streets .

They drove past Cas’ house and Dean’s stomach clenched painfully .Cas would hate him for sure. 

Why shouldn’t he ? Dean left like a total jerk and now Cas would hate him . 

He stepped out of car when they arrived at their house ,

“DEAN” a voice screamed behind him and as Dean turned around Cas hauled himself on him and gave him a bear hug .

”Don’t do that ever again!”He nuzzled in Dean’s shoulder . 

Dean wanted to cry from happiness right now.

”Never again “ He mumbled and hug Cas really tight . 

“I missed you Cas “ Dean mumbled and before he could say anything Cas pressed his lips on his .

 

Okay maybe that was the cheesiest kiss in his life and Sam’s “Well uhh bye “ only amplified it but Dean didn’t care . 

“You Idiot I was scared shitless “ Cas said as they broke their kiss.

“ohh I made you swear” Dean teased and Cas just looked at him confused for a second before he said 

“ Well yeah you are bad influence I guess “ and laughed “But I like it “ Dean grinned like an idiot . 

This moment was perfect and Cas and Dean went to his room. They laid down on the bed Cas snuggled against Dean and yes this was actually perfect. 

“I got your message and you’re an idiot . “ Cas said after a while. 

Huh which message?

Ohh the letter Dean left .

“I’m not too good for you and I will tell you that every day for the rest of my life if I have to .You are the best and most awesome person I’d ever known and you don’t destroy me Dean. You know you make me better than I was before –stop rolling your eyes- what I’m trying to say is that you make me whole again and I never in my whole life felt this horrible when you left without any sign . And I don’t want you to do that again because this was broke me a bit apart .”

Dean ruffled through his hair“You’re a dork you know that?” Cas laughed and man Dean had missed that . 

“yeah but you still hang out with me soo “He kissed Dean and yes this was great. Dean pulled Cas closer and Cas chuckled .  
“missed you “ he said and wrapped his arms around him as they sat up . 

“Missed you too “ Dean mumbled before he kissed Cas again .

“Dean-oh never mind “  
where did Sam come from? The door was closed again .

Ohh awkward .

Cas stared at Dean for a few seconds before he bursted out laughing . 

“Can’t believe it “ he said while he was shaking from laughing .

”At least he knows that I’m gay , coming out like this would be worse.” Dean said and wiped his tears away. 

 

This was really a good day .


	28. A place where i belong

After Cas left Sam begged him to come Downstairs .

The huge Christmas tree –like Jesus that had to be expensive- stood there and under him where a pile of presents. It looked like a cheesy movie where the rich white kids sat around the tree and sang Christmas songs. 

He never had a real Christmas with his Dad and maybe this was the reason he was overreacting but this was truly beautiful. 

“They are for you” Sam said and smiled at him .

“No way “ Dean said and starred at the presents under the flashy Christmas tree .

Nope that was too much for one person and it looked like somebody had robbed a Christmas store . Sam stormed to the tree and grabbed one and gave it Dean who still stood there frozen in place . 

“open up” Dean opened it like a robot and couldn’t believe it .

He was holding a brand new laptop in his hands .Like actually new? And a brand laptop !? not the shitty thing he had which was more or less stolen. This thing was actually light and didn’t weigh a ton like his old one and certainly didn’t make noises like a dying vacuum cleaner . 

“I – Thanks?” Dean stuttered and Sam stormed to the next present and pushed it to Dean . 

Dean sat down and started to unpack every present always looking at everyone for them to say something when he opened the next present . But they kept silent and just smiled at him . Yep this day was too good he was definitely dead .No way this was right now happening . Nope . 

In the end he had a new Laptop , a huge thick blanket with his favourite band logo on it , a new and expensive looking guitar plus guitar lessons , some video games, headphones , speakers and a lot more . this wasn’t really , yep totally a dream . 

But then Sam stood up and grabbed something behind the sofa and gave it to Dean . It was a small package wrapped in green and red wrapping with little candy canes on it . 

“That’s a gift I made myself years ago so it looks kinda crappy and yeah”  
Sam said and actually blushed ?!

Okay now Dean was more than curious . He ripped it open and a picture frame came to surface. 

 

The picture in there was something Dean didn’t expect at all. It was a drawing. Clumsy lines drawn with different coloured crayons formed a small scene in front of him . 

There were 4 people in this picture and a house in the same size as the people . A sun was scribbled in the left upper corner and on the bottom of the picture was written with a pencil –clearly an adult – ‘my family’ .

Dean looked at the persons the first one was a man taller than the rest with short brown hair and in a suit Dean guessed under it was scribbled in a kids handwriting ‘Dad’ next to him was a little boy with a bright red shirt with the name ‘Sam’ then next to him was a woman with long blond hair in a dress under her was written ‘mum’ and the last person was a boy taller than Sam with equally brown hair and a green shirt with the same clumsy handwriting was written ‘Dean’. 

 

“I drew that in kindergarten and I don’t know but I wanted to show you that you actually fit in here you know? You were a part of this family even before you came here. Mum told me always stories about you and I always wished that you would come someday to us because you always had a place here. And mum told me stories how proud you were to become a big brother and that you promised her to save me from John and that you wanted me to be called Samuel because you watched a tv series where one of the professors was named like this. And I fucked it up because I was selfish and wasn’t used to share my parents and didn’t react right . “

 

Dean stared at him with his mouth open and he was sure if he did that a second longer his jaw would pop out. That was –okay he actually didn’t know what to say . 

This was maybe the best day in his life without joking. He was totally dreaming that for sure. He stood up and without any word walked to Sam and hugged him because he wanted to and somebody was definitely chopping onions right now because nope he wasn’t crying. 

“I love you guys “ Dean said after he finally found his words again .

”like really I love you all so damn much and I’m so fucking glad that I’m here. You are all so awesome I can’t believe it . “ Dean said and every single word was true. 

After this Sam and Dean watched a bit Tv until the dinner was ready.

“This was the best Christmas ever.” Dean said  
“really?” Sam asked and looked him in the eyes. 

“Yeah. I mean when I was with my dad we didn’t celebrate at all . He would just drink cheap beer and yell at the tv . Sometimes I went to a shelter when they had something over Christmas and got some clothes or maybe even a toy when they had stuff for kids .But I never had Christmas like this you know? I now that it isn’t actually Christmas but I never had this feeling? Like I was home you know? Never had that before , never in my life . I mean I missed you , I really did and this never happened before because it didn’t matter when I was with my dad . I never missed him and I stayed with him for 13 years and I missed you guys . so thank you so much”

Dean said this and smiled .

Yes he was finally home. After all this time where he never felt this feeling of being actually home he found a place where he belonged and maybe someday everything will become easier . 

Maybe not today or tomorrow or maybe not next month but someday it will be easier and he will be grateful for every second of it because he would belong somewhere .

And yes this feeling was great and no drug in the world could give him a better feeling . 

 

Because he finally found his right place .


	29. Toothpaste

He slept peacefully this night more than peacefully like he was in heaven .

Maybe he was? But he didn’t care at all and the tiny voice in his mind that told him repeatedly that this couldn’t be true and had to be a dream was shushed by his pure happiness to sleep somewhere that didn’t smell like piss and vomit .

Why on earth did he ever leave this bed?  
Was he out of his mind?

Well yeah he wasn’t known for being mentally stable in the last few months .  
The 1st evidence for that was him leaving after a totally stupid and irrelevant fight ,2nd proof was that he really thought being homeless was a good option for a 16 year old teenager –yeah Dean everyone was nice and friendly and definitely on the street- and the 3rd and final proof was that he thought it was a brilliant idea to take a pill form a stranger who was seemingly homeless without knowing what the hell it was .  
Like really ?

Damn he was stupid that could have ended in lots of really unpleasant directions from him being an involuntary organ donor to him being caught by a human- trafficking gang. So yes he made really good decisions. He woke up with disorientated and needed some seconds to catch himself. Slowly he climbed out of his bed . God sleeping never felt this good in his life .

Then after ignoring his appearance and going downstairs in Boxer shorts and a sleeveless shirt he kind of started to regret his decision because everyone was there .Crowley , Sam ,Cas ,Cas’ parents and siblings some other neighbours he totally forgot about who now stared at him. Sam grinned like he pulled the biggest prank on Dean and Dean had an urge to flip him off .   
“Uhh?Hello?” He asked . This was awkward like going to school naked and maybe even worse. Everyone was dressed like they were going to church and then there was Dean in his bright red and blue boxer shorts and his ratty grey shirt. Yep great not at all embarrassing. 

“Good Morning Dean “ Crowley said more than a bit amused . 

“Did I miss something?” Dean asked confused. There was food around and it looked some fancy lunch party or how this stuff was called.

“It’s Mums birthday” Ohhh goddammit . 

“Uhm that’s- i`” Okay now he was even incapable of speaking . Great . 

“Mum’s in the Living room with the rest of the guest “Sam said and gestured to the door.  
Ohh Fuckity Fuck Fuck .   
Dean walked in the other room not caring anymore about the way he looked. 

“Mum?” he asked as he stepped through the door and damn there were more people that stared at him like he was a monkey on a tricycle .  
”Dean what’s wrong?” She came to him and he could see the concern written all over her face ,  
“I uhm- I mean ..”well great speech Dean . He looked anxious around this wasn’t something he wanted to say in front of people and somehow she sensed that.  
” We can go somewhere else for a second?” Dean nodded relieved. 

They went to one of the spare offices and as soon as the door was closed he started to babble “I’m so sorry- I mean I didn’t know that your birthday was today and that’s a bad excuse I know but I’m so sorry please I know that I fucked up pretty bad and I’m so so sorry and I can stay in my room if you want? I mean I totally get that I made so much trouble all the time you need some time alone and i-“ 

“Dean stop a second. “ Mary said and Dean closed his mouth immediately “I don’t want you to hide in your room and I’m not mad. You don’t need to give me a present and that you are standing here with me is better than any present that I will ever get in my life . “ She smiled at him and Dean hugged her and mumbled “ Love you mum . thank you so much “ He heard her breath hitch for a second and thought he said something wrong until she said “I’m so glad that you are finally here” . 

They let go of each other and Dean smiled .She looked at him for a second and said smiling “ maybe you should dress differently it’s a bit too casual “ Dean laughed and nodded .

He went upstairs and dressed himself in black pants and a green pullover. When he went downstairs Cas stood at the end of the stairs .

“Ohh I liked your first outfift more “ he said and grinned . 

“sure you did “ Dean pressed his lips on Cas 

“Your Breath smells “ he noted and Dean’s face became a bit red 

“ohh fuck off “ and kissed Cas again who theatrically groaned .

”Toothpaste Dean TOOTHPASTE” Dean laughed . 

The rest of the Day was a bit stiff and awkward because well Dean’s disappearing made it’s rounds and everyone knew what happened . So yes awkward at least he didn’t have to explain why or where he was because everyone seemed too polite to ask or they already knew . Dean sat on the couch with Cas and Inias when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Dean looked at the screen . 

Could that be really him ?

No Dean didn’t text him his new number and totally felt guilty about it right now.  
“Yeah? “ 

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT WHAT DID YOU DO?! DEAN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WILL END YOU” A familiar voice screamed in the phone. The room went silent or at least the conversations became quieter so everyone could eavesdrop on him . 

“Hey Lucy sorry for that” Dean said and grinned .He could see in front of his eyes how Lucifer stood in his room and gestured around like a maniac . 

“YOU BETTER FUCKING BE YOU ASSHAT!DAMN I THOUGHT YOU DIED YOU BIGOT I WILL KICK YOUR SCRAWNY ASS TO CHINA YOU FUCKING BITCHFACE “ Dean laughed . “DON’T YOU LAUGH ! YOU WILL BE MY DEATH LIKE LITERALLY YOU WILL KILL ME YOU CAN BE GLAD THAT MIKE GAVE ME SOME D-“ 

“I’m in a room full of people . Everyone can hear you” Dean said and there was a small pause at the end of the line before Lucifer talked again. 

“You idiot you fucking moron , I hate you I truly do . I thought you were gone man don’t do that to me.” 

“I’m sorry I really am .”Dean said .

“you know what? I’m coming to you I will kick your ass, see you on …Wednesday. I swear to god “ And then the line was dead. Dean laughed yeah that was totally Lucifer. 

“Mum? “ Dean stood up and walked to his mother 

“ a friend will come on Wednesday. “She looked confused for a second but then said 

“okay for how long? And who?” Dean grinned 

“I dunno and Lucifer “Yes now everyone was starring at him 

“Lucifer ?Like the Devil? “ Sam asked and where the hell did he come from? “Yeah like the devil . “

 

This would be fun


	30. Dad jokes

“Who called you?” Cas asked when Dean walked back in the living room. 

“uhm it was Lucifer … he was pissed because of the shit I pulled off and he’s coming over.” Dean said and sat down . 

Dean expected a lot more questions from Cas but he just said, “okay “ and smiled .

Well that was easy . The guest finally left and then everyone came in the living room . 

“So who is this … Lucifer. “ Crowley asked and Dean grinned at the sight how uncomfortable Crowley was with this name . 

“Uhm that’s my best friend “they all looked surprised –thank you for reminding Dean of his poor social skills –   
“How did you meet?” Sam asked. 

Well he could tell the truth maybe not everything because he should maybe skip the drug and running off in the middle of the night part .

“We meet because he was in the same foster family as me when the authorities couldn’t reach anybody and we shared a room .He was first a bit off an ass but he really helped me and he’s a great guy.” Yeah he really was . Mary seemed to flinch when he mention the foster family but then nodded and in the end nobody had a problem with him coming over . 

So the days passed and soon it was Wednesday and everyone wanted to meet these strange guy with the stranger name. He sat with Cas on the porch when he heard some footsteps. 

“YOU FUCKER!”

Dean turned around and across the road stormed an angry looking Lucifer towards him. Oh-oh . He took a step back because Lucifer didn’t seem to stop and he didn’t . He tackled Dean to the ground and Dean landed with a groaned “uff “ on the ground. Yep know the neighbours were definitely looking . Lucifer stood up 

“Told you I will kick your scrawny ass” Dean laughed and scrambled to his feet . 

“Man I missed you “ he said and hugged Lucifer . 

“if you told me you would run I would have come with you! “Lucifer said and cas looked at him shocked   
“I mean I wouldn’t because I’m a reasonable adult who makes good decisions and I wouldn’t have come with you because that was a totally dumb idea and you shouldn’t run ?Yep that sounded nearly believable ?” Lucifer said and Cas grinned “yeah just nearly“ 

“So we finally meet in person Castiel “ Lucifer said and bear hugged him too which startled Cas for a second.

“wait how do you know each other ? I mean how do you know how he looks like?” Dean asked and looked at both of them confused .

“Dean there is something really cool called Facebook and since you asshat decided to pull this stupid i-don’t-need-anybody stunt I might have stalked Cas for a bit and texted him everyday.” Lucifer said and the both laughed but Dean just stared at them like they told him he was the devil himself .

“okay well that explains that at least “ Dean said 

“He was a bit annoying so I gave him your number because he wouldn’t stop asking me “ Cas said and well that suddenly makes sense. 

“ohm “ was Deans only reaction for that . 

“Man you didn’t lie about being rich fucking hell “ Lucifer said as they stepped inside. Dean had this feeling that the rest of his family was waiting for him because as soon as Lucifer stepped inside Mary and Sam peaked around the corner. 

“Nice to meet you Lucifer I’m Mary “ his mother said and smiled at them . Dean noticed the small twitch in Lucifer’s face before he put his poker face back on again. 

“Nice to meet you too Ma’am “ He said and smiled like prince charming . 

“Uhm we can go upstairs? “ Dean said and both Cas and Lucifer nodded. Lucifer looked around like a kid in a candy store. 

“okay dude you know what I’m gonna steal some shit here “ Cas looked at him sternly “kidding “ Lucifer said and hold his hands up . 

“you know what Dean your closest is bigger than my room “ Lucifer said and laughed . They all sat down and talked for a while   
“Ohh I forgot to tell you , new guy came kinda a creep like Hannibal lector type of creep . Didn’t say one word for like 4 days and man I was sure that this guy will slit my throat while I’m sleeping. “

“you share a room?” Dean asked 

“ Nah didn’t want to share with me wanted to share with the little ones “ ohh that was creepy .

“ so I need some time away from him like bro this is hell “ Lucifer smiled like he made the best joke on the world .  
“God that was a dad joke “ Dean said and rolled his eyes.

“I think it was hellish good “ Dean groaned

“Stop now please “

“never” Lucifer said and they couldn’t stop laughing . 

Cas left but not before they had at least 3 dramatic good bye kisses .

”Well I would become gay for that “Lucifer said and Dean turned around .   
“Thought you were straight?” Lucifer laughed  
“well yeah I’m straight as a ruler but as a totally straight guy I have to say Castiel is cute and dude you deserve each other “Dean blushed and he felt his face burning . Lucifer on the other had grinned happily and said   
“that was enough emotions for a month , so where’s the food I’m hungry as fuck “ 

They went downstairs and of course dinner was ready like his mother was a mind reader .Sam came a few seconds later and they all sat down . Lucifer glanced at the food and mumbled “well that’s better than mac’n’cheese” They talked for a while before Sam started to question Lucifer about his whole life,   
”so your name is Lucifer? “

”Yep “

”that’s a strange name “ 

“ohh I know “ he said and chuckled . Sam wanted to know everything and was only stopped by Crowley who told him that this was kind of rude to ask so many questions .

”You know Dean I really want to see your school you know?” 

“Then come with us on Monday “ Sam said excited Lucifer grinned and ohh hell this wouldn’t end well .

Not at all


	31. Hell of a day

“Don’t you have to go to school?” Dean asked and looked at Lucifer who glared at him . 

“well yeah but not Monday “ Oh okay “Cleared everything with them so it’s okay” oh no that wouldn’t end well nope never. The rest of the day was spent in Deans room and Lucifer looked and touched everything like a small child in a wonderland. The rest of the week, he , Lucifer and Cas hung out and showed Lucifer the town. Dean had the feeling that everyone somehow stared at Lucifer and when Cas seemed to notice that too. 

“Jesus christ is that normal?” Lucifer asked as a neighbour of Dean stared the second time in 5 minutes out of the window. 

“Kinda “ Dean said and shifted a bit around .

“They look like I’m popping molly damn I’m just smoking “ He said 

“ At least they didn’t call the cops “ Dean said and grinned . 

“yeah wouldn’t surprise me to be honest “ They walked inside when Lucifer was finished but then his mother pulled him her side “ Everything with the school is already resolved and you shouldn’t have any problems . “ Dean wasn’t so sure about that . Maybe the teachers didn’t hate him but sure the students would .God why was he such an idiot .

The next morning came faster than anticipated and with a loud yawn he went to the bathroom. Lucifer who slept the whole time on his couch didn’t seem to wake up and only when he fumbled his tie when Lucifer bursted out laughing

“ Shit man you didn’t lie about the dress code you look like a pedos wet dream Jesus. “ 

“fuck off “ Dean spat and finally had his tie in place . 

“Yeah sure Richie Rich” Dean grabbed a pillow and used all his force to throw it in his face but this didn’t stop him of course. They went downstairs and Lucifer was mumbling something about him looking like a choir boy. When they drove to school Dean still couldn’t believe it that his parents were okay with Lucifer being here .Lucifer’s jaw dropped when they arrived at the school 

“you go to fucking Hogwarts dude!” Sam laughed at this comment .Everyone was staring at them and Dean felt suddenly like this was a really bad idea. This was a different kind of stare not the stare you get from small children who don’t know that this is creepy , this is more like starring for a second and then pretending that they didn’t stare holes through your soul and Dean could definitely say this kind of stare was worse.

They went inside quickly and sat down in their classroom .

“you know Dean-o this is hella creepy “ what did he mean? “You look like fucking clones “ ohh okay yeah this freaked Dean also out.

Their teacher came and after a brief explanation and a mild stare from him everything was cleared and Lucifer was now a guest in this school .

Nothing really happened to Dean’s surprise okay he could hear them mumbling behind him but that was okay . So when the lunchbreak started he was at ease. He sat down at the table and everyone smiled at him.

“You know I kinda look like a hobo “ Lucifer stated after he introduced himself to everyone at the table .

”It’S a bit late for changing “ Dean said and looked at him he wore an oversized hoodie with a fading print on the front some baggy black jeans with holes on the knees and some run down work boots.

”No not homeless I would say hipster” Charlie said and Lucifer gasped “oh you didn’t just say that . rather homeless than hipster “ Lucifer said with a faked shocked expression .”at least my stuff isn’t fake used this is pure thrift store flair everyone! “ Lucifer said and laughed . 

“Where did you meet Dean ?” Charlie asked 

“this guy laid one day in my room and looked like a corpse and the only thing I thought was ‘Damn please don’t die in my room’” Dean actually laughed pretty loud because of this comment . He wouldn’t forget that ever in his life , it was just priceless .But Charlie seemed to have another issue 

“What why was he in your room?” Lucifer signed “foster home and we had a spare bed , happens sometimes “ The whole table went silent. 

“you’re a foster kid?” Oh this was like Alien-meet-Humans

“yep and against you guys I’m white trash “ Lucifer laughed again 

“ no you aren’t “ Lucifer shrugged “if you say so” . Luckily the rest of the day was more relaxed . But then Dean knew this couldn’t end so well and yeah it didn’t .

Dean , Lucifer and a few others walked from the gymnasium when Gadreel stepped in his way . Oh my god why was he so damn stupid? 

But this time Gadreel learnt his lesson and had a horde of minions behind him .

”So you got yourself another boy toy?” he sneered 

“just leave it be “ Dean said and tried to get away

“This is your charity project huh?”he gestured at Lucifer and his minions laughed at his stupid joke.”Look at him where did you pick him up ? Homeless shelter?” 

Then suddenly Lucifer rushed forward and did something Dean didn’t expected . He held a butterfly knife at his throat and with his other hand he grabbed his shirt and held him in place. 

“Nah just foster home asshat. Ohh suddenly so silent huh? Where are your big words now? “Gadreel stared at him shocked actually everyone stared at him shocked and nobody even moved an inch. 

“Lucficer-“ 

“shush Dean I’m talking, you know what they do back home with guys like you? No ? ohh then listen I hate to repeat myself .Back home we cut you open not to kill you that would be too easy. We cut you open like a chicken and let you bleed out so there is a big red puddle of blood and believe me that shit takes time. They make funny noises sometimes you know? Like a fish above water or really annoying gurgling sounds and man blood stains and I’m not in the mood to wash my shit .So listen fuckhead do not ever again make a stupid comment to like everyone , got it? Or I will come back “ Lucifer smiled and damn this was one the most haunting smiles he’d ever seen .

Then he just stepped back and Gadreel and the rest of his minions ran off .Lucifer turned around and smiled and put his knife back in his pocket. 

“well that was easy “ he said and for a second Dean actually believed that yes Lucifer was the devil .

”That’ was-“ 

“Awesome I know and yeah sorry to interrupt your moment but I have to catch my ride back .” He walked away and Dean ran after him .

 

This was a hell of a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since i based Lucifer to 90% on my best friend and this incident (of course under different circumstances ) actually happened the consequences will be a bit of a surprise :D


	32. Sometimes i like to lie

“Lucifer!” Dean grabbed his shoulder “could you just stop for a second? “ 

Lucifer stopped and turned around with the same haunting smile on his face. Man he could really compete with the Joker .

”Yeah Dean-o?” 

“You just threaten to cut Gadreel open? “Lucifer shrugged like he was talking about the fucking weather !

“ That’s his name? Strange guy “ 

“Lucifer!” 

“okay Dean I get you but I didn’t hurt him so everything is fine okay?” Dean huffed yeah that’s how it works .

”Don’t want to stress you but I really need to catch my ride back you know” God Lucifer would be his death . They grabbed his stuff from Dean’s home and walked to the station.

“Is that really the stuff you do back home?” Dean asked because if not Lucifer was a hell of a Liar. He laughed 

“If you ask me right now if I ever cut somebody open then the answer is no . Sometimes I just like to lie and man that was funny .”Okay at least his best friend wasn’t a serial killer .

”Thank god “ Lucifer rolled his eyes ,”I’m a drug dealing foster kid who is named like the devil I thinks murder would be a bit over the top even for me “ He laughed “you never know “ Dean said and grinned. They sat down on a bench while they waited .

“you know Dean-o next time when you decided to pull off a stunt like Forrest gump I really hope for your scrawny ass that you will tell me. “ Dean looked at his shoes yeah he felt horrible for that but at this time he thought he was doing the right thing. 

“I will “ he whispered “I just thought that I will ruin your life too you know?” 

Lucifer laughed at this comment “I don’t want to destroy your dream but Dean my life is kinda already ruined-oh come on don’t look like a kicked puppy-what I’m trying to say is that my chances in life aren’t so big you know? I have a criminal record bigger than Europe and the only thing that saves me from jail is that apparently I’m a bit crazy “ Lucifer smiled and Dean wasn’t sure if he was joking or not” And who would employ somebody who is called Lucifer ? I mean dean-o you didn’t ruin my life and if you will run again-which I hope you don’t- I will come with you and damn as long as you don’t burn an hospital full of innocent children down I would still help you as good as I can .” Lucifer smiled at him 

“Thanks man “ Dean said and Lucifer gave him his hand . 

A few seconds later Dean blurted out “did I just make a pact with the devil” Lucifer looked confused for a split second before he bursted out laughing “I guess? Well there is no going back now” Lucifer left 20 minutes later and Dean walked back home . He wasn’t so fond to know what would happen tomorrow because he was sure that Gadreel was after this little fight more than angry with him not that it mattered. So when the next day started and Dean went in the classroom and saw Gadreel sitting with some of his minions he was sure that this wouldn’t end with a bruise or blood . 

But then the universe surprised him because Gadreel eyed him suspicious and then looked away as soon as Dean caught his stare. Well maybe Lucifer actually did the right thing? This was a surprise. His teacher came few minutes later and Dean thought this Day would be just as normal as every other day but then of course It didn’t .

At the end of the lesson his teacher said “Dean please stay for a minute .” Oh fuck .

” I was told that your … guest had an argument with Gadreel ?” Okay this wouldn’t work Dean knew it but he could give it a try “ I don’t know what you mean , sir “ Dean said and tried to look as confused as possible . His teacher huffed.” I heard that your guest threaten Gadreel “ 

“He didn’t sir “ said a voice behind him huh?Dean turned his head and Gordon was standing with 3 other teammates behind him . 

“What do you mean?” his teacher asked .

“Dean’s friend didn’t do anything Gadreel came to us and insulted Dean without any reason and Dean’s friend only told him to go away not more and maybe you should ask Gadreel what he said to Dean? I don’t know but I think in our school rules are some point about homophobic comments? I’m not sure if Gadreel knows that making false accusations and homophobic comments in front of our whole team who witnessed everything by the way is something which doesn’t makes a good impression in his college applications ? “ Gordon said and damn Dean stared at him. Dean didn’t knew that Gordon was that badass .

”..you are right .. so I hope this wont happen again” His teacher said and looked at him for a while . 

“did you just lie to him?” dean asked Gordon when they all left the room 

“ Yup not as impressive as the stuff your friend pulled off but yup I did” he said and grinned .

” I own you something “ Dean said but Gordon shook his head

“ You don’t and he really needed a kick in his pompous ass and I’m glad that your friend did that .Where did he get the knife from?” Gordon asked stunned “I have really no clue. He is just crazy believe me “ 

“I’m not blind he is some of a kind for sure.” Dean chuckled “yeah he is “ 

Later that day Dean sat down next to Cas and kissed him which caused Meg to groan theatrically

“ How was your day?” Cas asked .  
Dean just shrugged “the usual I guess “  
”ohm in a bad or good way?” Dean smiled  
“In a good way and do you want to come over later?” Cas grinned “yeah “ 

“Don’t get pregnant “ Meg huffed “ohh shut up “ Cas mumbled and kissed Dean again . 

The day passed and Dean waited until he heard the door bell .Dean jumped out of his room and stormed down the stairs . 

”heya Cas “ Dean said and smiled. They both went upstairs and ended up curled together on the bed . Dean started to kiss Cas’ cheek and made his way around until he found his destination. Cas hummed in agreement and let his hand slide under Dean’s shirt and lifted it slowly up Dean did the same with Cas shirt but of course this choir boy wore a button down shirt and it nearly drove Dean crazy to get this fricking piece of cloth away from cas. 

“need some help?” Cas asked grinning and unbuttoned the last button . Dean kissed him again 

“Dean do you-“their head snapped to the door .For fucks sake ! 

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Dean blurted out and his mother supressed a laugh and closed the door. 

This family has some talents for destroying a moment for sure .

Dean looked at Cas who was shaking from laughing .


	33. Haircuts and other problems

“This is the worst “ Dean mumbled and laid his head on Cas’ shoulder .

Cas chuckled circled his fingers over his chest “Could be worse “ 

“ sure we could be actually naked “ Dean nuzzled and of course the mood was destroyed .

Goddammit . And his mother smiled at him in that kind of knowing way that made Dean wants to scream. At least she didn’t mentioned it while they were eating dinner . It only could get worse if she wanted to have ‘the talk ‘ with him but thank god he was a bit too old for that and the internet helped him with that a few years ago . 

So the next days were actually pretty relaxed .Nothing happened in school with Gadreel –who still looked like a frighten deer when he saw him. He should send Lucifer a gift basket or some shit like that- meet with Cas after school and his home life was more than good . So yes he was truly happy everything was finally in the right place and Dean actually felt welcome here. 

“you know why the fuck did I take algebra ?” Dean groaned as he stared at his books.

“ We can switch if you want?” Cas said and looked up from his book.

“algebra for art “ He joked and Dean shook his head .

”Nope forget it “

“well then study “ Dean groaned again .

Why was school a thing? 

Who thought that this was a good idea? Hmm? But then again he made it already farer in his life than his dad because he knew that his dad dropped out when he was 15. This was a bigger motivation for him than he wanted to admit . Weeks passed and everything went to a normal routine .

”you know you need a hair cut “ Cas said as he brushed his finger through his hair. 

“You start to look like the 2009 Justin Bieber “ 

“Did you just compare me to Justin Bieber?”

“Yep” 

“ I DEFINITLY need an hair cut “ Dean said and Cas laughed . 

So the next day Dean forced him to a hairdresser the next day because well this was the first time Dean went to an actual Hairdresser and not cut his hair himself –which always ended with him having a buzz cut or looking like he was in his first year of military training-so yes he was nervous. And the hairdresser didn’t really help not that Dean is a shitty persons who judges people from their appearances but just the first glance told him that she was annoying and yes she totally was. 

“Young man you can sit down here and your friend can take a place there “ she shushed Cas to the waiting area and ordered Dean on the chair . And god he hated small talk .

“so to which school do you go?” she asked too cheerfully 

“ Uhm I go to the Lawrence Academy “ She looked surprised-thanks for reminding him for his criminal vibes –

“ Wow impressive you have a future ahead of you” she said .

“I guess so “ Dean shifted on his chair.

“ So do you play in a team ?” 

“ yeah basketball “She carried on with the talk and Dean actually relaxed a bit until she asked him this 

“ so a young man like you , you sure have a girlfriend right?” uhmm awkward

“ Kind of…” Dean said and hoped a fast change of topic. 

“kind of ? how is that possible? “ she laughed

“ uhmm I have not a girlfriend but a boyfriend “ Dean mumbled and he could see the exact moment the realisation hit her.

“ohh I see … good luck then “ and the subject was dead . So this was actually worse than the talking because now she kept silent . After he payed he nearly ran out of the salon .

“what’s wrong?” Cas asked . 

“nothing “ Dean mumbled and didn’t look in Cas’ eyes .

”Dean… what’s wrong?” Dean signed 

“it’s nothing just the woman in there… she asked me if I had a girlfriend and I told her I had a boyfriend and she just looked kinda weird at me you know? It’s stupid .” Dean said and brushed his fingers through his hair. Cas stayed silent for a minute and Dean suddenly had panic bubbling in him up. 

“At least she made a good job “ Cas said and then pulled Dean in a hug . 

They walked in down the street and Cas was holding Dean’s Hand which made him-yes he acts like a 12 year old girl with her first crush – proud to be with him and showing everyone that he was happy . They went to some shops Cas needed some pair of shoes and god he was fussy about it .

“they all look good” Dean said as Cas stared of the top five of the shoes in front of him . 

“ Yes I know that’s the problem !” Dean groaned 

“uhm take the first ones” he said and pointed at them . 

“No – I mean I don’t know .” Cas said . Dean looked at all of them and said 

“I like this pair “ and finally Cas took one pair –the pair that Dean liked the most – and payed for them . Then they walked back home .

The whole week was chilled for Dean –okay as chilled as you can get with school and a boyfriend- and soon the tiny voice in his mind became quieter and didn’t tell him that soon something big and bad would happen . Everything was fine and soon he didn’t listen to that tiny annoying voice anymore . After 13 years he could finally ignore it and hell yeah this was the best feeling in the world. 

Then on a Saturday morning Dean stumbled in the kitchen and made himself breakfast. His mum came a few moments later when he was sitting at the table and munched some cereals and looked at him. Something was wrong it was written all over her face.

“what’s wrong?” Dean asked . She seemed like she wasn’t sure what to say next but then said after a while 

“ Your …... fathers trial is coming up soon “ Dean stopped in his tracks “ what?” 

“We really hoped you didn’t have to attend but there is no way around “ 

 

Oh hell no


	34. A rich man can't imagine poor

Dean wasn’t hungry anymore .

He felt like he was going to be sick. 

“Why?” he asked . 

His mother shifted uncomfortable around “ The court needs your statement you don’t have to be there all the time you can leave right now after you give your statement . “

So he has to talk in front of strangers and his dad about the last 13 years? About every little detail or else his dad would be a free man soon? Ohh great truly awesome . Yes he could think about at least a billion things he would rather do than this shit. 

“I don’t want to “ Dean said and hiss mother looked like she was either about to cry or to faint . 

“I’m sorry Dean we tried to convince them but it appears that there is no way around ..” no he didn’t want to no nope never for fucks sake ! He thought that he could escape him now but apparently this wouldn’t happen .God he stuck at him like a limpet. Could just somebody run his dad over with a monster truck or something heavier.

“Please…” Please what Dean? God you’re an idiot . His father couldn’t do anything to him anymore he was gone somewhere –hopefully a really shitty prison – but he had to face him again . Maybe this time he would try to kill him again? Oh he would definitely try to kill him 

“I’m dead “ Dean whispered .

Yes he was aware of that there was technically no threat for him but then again who knows? He stood up-yes he knew it was a dick move to just leave his mother but well he was shocked?- and texted Cas . And 20 minutes later he stood on Cas porch and a tired looking Inias opened the door .He just gestured to Cas’ room and shuffled back in his room . Cas was already dressed “what’s wrong ?” he asked and looked at Dean like he just told him he had a deadly disease . 

“I have a problem “ Dean whispered . 

Now Cas looked even more confused “Please don’t tell Lucifer killed someone ?” 

wait what?Dean bursted out laughing because well he didn’t expect that “ No he didn’t jesus . Why do you thought that?”

“He made a heavy impression “ Okay yeah good point 

“No it’s something else…”

“ Are you ill?” 

“could you let me finish please?!” God why was that so hard! “the trial of my dad wants me to make a statement “

“Ohhh “ Well thanks for the useful answer Cas. But before Dean was able to say something else Cas pulled him into a hug and didn’t let go. “I’m scared “ Dean whispered “And that’s okay “ Cas said and rubbed his back “No it isn’t” Dean rasped and felt with every second passing more pathetic than before. 

“It is Dean . I didn’t know what I would do and you are so much stronger than anybody that I ever meet in my whole life . Nobody here even I don’t fully understand your past. Do you know the quote ‘Rich men can't imagine poor .They don't know what it is to be like this’? That’s the same with you nobody will understand everything but that’s okay and every choice you do is totally fine if you go or not . It’s your choice and nobody has the right to judge you because you’re scared . Dean I’m scared of my History teacher and the only thing he did was embarrass me in front of my class for my bad history knowledge. “ 

“You should have know why there was a civil war “

“shush we aren’t talking about that now . It’s your life your decision and I cant make them for you-don’t look at me like this!- I really would do anything that you don’t have to do that but just think about that .You are the free person here .You can walk in the court and your dad will be sitting there with handcuffs and an orange overall .He can’t do anything or else some security officer will Taser him to the ground –which I really would like to see if you ask me but that’s not the point- he is the loser here he did everything wrong in his life and you survived him and became this awesome person that I’m so glad to have meet . It’s your choice only and everything you do is the right decision” Cas said.

Man he should consider become a motivational speaker or something like that .

“You’re the best Cas “ Dean said and Kissed him a bit sloppy on the mouth .Cas smiled like he was happy with himself . 

“I will do it “ Dean mumbled and Cas looked so proud of him that Dean started to beam with pride too. 

“Great “ Cas said .

So he would talk in front of the court . Ugh.But he could do it because Cas said so and he would do it so he could see the face of his dad behind bars.

And if he get’s out without any punishment Dean was sure that Crowley had enough money to make his dad disappear. Okay yes he maybe watch ‘the godfather ‘ one time too many but he was sure that with enough money you can do anything.

Later when he apologised to his mother for his sudden disappearance.God why was he so stupid he already ran one time off and now he gave his mother another heart attack . 

His mum also told him that they had quite good lawyers and that there wasn’t a big chance for his Dad to get away without a prison sentence . At least one thing.

So the days passed and soon the day before the trial was there and he had to lie if he would say that he didn’t consider running off again . The night before the trial was even worse . He dreamt of his dad because why the fuck not?! 

He actually didn’t remember this incident but it apparently wanted to come back up again. He was maybe 8 or 9 and was sleeping on an old motel bed when suddenly a hand pulled him from his dreams. His dad grabbed his arm and yanked him up causing him to cry out in shock and pain.then he dragged him outside out of the room away from the shabby motel. He didn’t know where they were going at this time but he was sure it wasn’t a good place. Then his dad stopped and he felt something cold against the back of his head. ‘should have killed you right away’ he slurred and then the realisation hit Dean. He was quite sure at this point that he was about to die .Yeah that’s it his dad would shoot him in the head and plaster the street with his brain and blood . But then the cold metal against his head disappeared ‘waste of bullets ‘ he slurred and Dean didn’t move . 

Dean woke up sweating like he had run a marathon .5 a clock in the morning . great but he was sure he couldn’t sleep again .

He laid at his bed until his mother knocked softly at his door.He didnt even try to conceal that he was awake .Then his phone buzzed and he looked at the message that popped up 

From:Cas  
You can do it . i believe in you <3

 

Maybe he really could do it .


	35. Only god can judge us

Dean was nervous, no more like terrified. He didn’t want to see his father and also he didn’t want to talk in front of strangers about his shitty childhood. So yes if he didn’t puke today he considered that as an achievement. His mum was seemingly nervous . She either shushed Sam around or picked at Dean’s shirt . She didn’t want Sam to come with them but he didn’t stop nagging about it and finally she gave in . 

 

Everyone was this morning nervous and Dean was more than glad when they were finally in the goddamn car . The whole time Dean either starred out of the window or fumbled on his shirt. Sam was creepily silent and both Crowley and his mum glanced at him every minute or so . 

God why did he have to do this?

His mum talked about something but Dean’s mind was far too occupied with freaking out. The drive felt like it lasted years but also just seconds. Maybe there was a glitch in the Matrix and they are damned to sit in this car forever .

That was better than the court Dean thought . 

But when Crowley grumbling searched for a parking spot in front of the courthouse , Dean was pretty sure he would faint. They stepped out of the car and Dean would have given everything if a lightning would strike him down right now . 

The courthouse didn’t look spectacular and after a security check, which only caused Dean to freak out even more , they had to wait and wait. Dean didn’t have to be there the whole time only when they had questions for him. Then the door opened and his name was called . 

Awesome please somebody kill him right now. 

He stepped inside quickly followed by his mum and Crowley . Unsure where he should go he stopped a second and looked at the judge, a woman with black hair in her late forties smiled and him and gestured to the a chair . 

Dean sat down and immediately his gaze fell to his dad, okay he looked awful .

He was pale and had some months’ worth of beard but the prison clothes suited all too well . And like his dad heard everything he thought he looked up and their eyes meet for a second and yes this on second stare was filled with so much hatred and disgust that Dean quickly looked away . 

Please god let that be over soon.

“Hello , Dean the court has only a few questions for you “ the judge said and he nodded. A man younger than the judge but with a far more tired face stood up.

” You lived with your dad alone for 13 years?”

“yeah “ 

“and where did you live?” 

okay that was actually a complicated question “ uhm we didn’t stay very long in one place ,we moved around the whole state “he looked to the jurors, well that was a mistake since everybody looked at him. Dean swallowed the bile that was threating to come out of his mouth. 

“how long did you stay usually “ his attention snapped back to the man .

” When I was younger . 4 or 5 maybe we stayed usually for quite a while but then I don’t really know how old I was maybe 6 or older we didn’t stay in the same place for more than 3 months ?” he sounded unsure which of course he was like who the fuck remembers exact dates as a child? It’s not like he had a planner or something 

“Did your dad harm you in any kind of way?” 

okay come on they all saw the files the police made when they took him in . Dean scratched his head. “uhm yeah” he said and his voice became smaller than he anticipated. 

“When did he start to harm you ?”

“He always did that I guess . There was not real starting point.”

“I’m sorry to ask but could you elaborate what he did ?” oh no nononon.Nope that was something he wanted to take in his grave but the whole room waited and he was forced to open his mouth ”he – just like he punched me and kicked me or uhm he pushed me around or just yelled.” Should he really say everything? Yeah now was the time even when his throat made it hard to speak “ he also kinda took me by the throat and squeezed until everything became fuzzy or he kicked me out until the next day or we would kinda wrestled me down to the ground and tell me not to get up or I would regret it. And. sometimes he would take a lit cigarette and put it on my skin to turn it out and told me a few times he would kill me and hold a gun to my head “his voice became quieter with every word until it was just above a whisper . 

 

“And I should’ve done it “his dad yelled . Dean stared at him. He was a poor excuse of an man just a pathetic rat in a body of a drunken idiot 

“Rot in hell “ Dean spat and then literally hell broke loose . His Dad jumped up and tried to get to him but he was grabbed by 3 security guys who secured him”Don’t make me remove you from the court “the judge silenced him. Dean looked at his Dad in shock and finally something in his mind accepted it .Yes his dad hated him with every inch of his body but he didn’t need him and he never did. They carried on like nothing happened

”We have some evidence which show the physical abuse “ said the man . 

Shit shit shit .He totally forgot about that . He didn’t want them to see the pictures but a few seconds later everyone in the room stared at the first picture that showed his legs they were covered in a few bruises and scratches. God that was awkward. The next on was his stomach and his ribcage , was he really that skinny? The bruises there were bigger and darker a few gasped were heard through the rows. The next one was his back, with red welts and fading scars and bruises, he never knew that he looked so bad in reality. But the last one made his stomach churn it showed his face and his throat a blue ring of bruises around his neck and the face that looked like he meet a professional boxer . That made him painfully aware that his dad might have actually killed him . 

“Could you tell us a bit of your normal life?”

“uhm depends were we stayed , sometimes we slept in the car for weeks or had a place somewhere. I guess I woke up before he woke up and left until he was away then I took some classes online and after that I just wandered around tried to get some food , cause he wasted all his money on booze and didn’t care if I had clothes or food.” 

He didn’t mention that he stole nearly every day because well that wasn’t a something you admit in a room full of lawyers and judges .They asked him a few more question . He had to elaborate more about the things his father did but then he could finally go and as he went outside he stared his father directly in the eyes . Fuck you screamed his mind and god his father was just a pathetic piece of shit-yes 13 years of living hell made him swear like a drunken sailor but damn he had the right to do so-the eyes of his dad were stone cold . When looks could kill he would be dead before he hit the ground but he still walked out of the room and then it was over . Okay maybe not over because they had to wait for his mum who was questioned after him but he didn’t have to face him anymore and that was a relieve. 

“You did a good job “ Crowley said and hugged him . A few months ago he would’ve kicked Crowley for that in the nuts but now he hugged him back . He didn’t know why suddenly tears threaten to leave his eyes but he didn’t care because it was over. And yes he didn’t care that he was embarrassing himself in front of strangers. They waited until the jury made his verdict and 

Dean didn’t know what he could expect ? At least a prison sentence ? or less? 

Then after ages of waiting his mother came out of the room and looked more than a bit displeased

“How long?” Dean asked as soon as she was in earshot. 

“He got 9 years “ okay he didn’t know why his mum looked disappointed but he certainly wasn’t .9 years! That was a lot damn the lawyers had to be expensive . His mother looked like she wanted him to die in jail but 9 years are a long time and well you never know right?

They walked to the car. 

Yes he was finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't post the next chapters until next week so sorry guys xx just a note that the story will go on


	36. The universe isn't so bad

Dean felt like he could breathe properly for the first time in his whole life. His father no he shouldn’t call him that was gone well not completely but he couldn’t get him .There was no chance that he would somehow find him and actually kill him like he threatened to do so. Dean was silent on the ride home everyone else even his mother was cherish that he was gone but he was still to shocked to be happy about it . He felt like this totally had to be a dream right? Life wasn’t that fair ? But then again he could be happy because if he considers John’s big mouth and alcohol habit he won’t survive the next 9 years . Therefore there was literally no chance for him to get a hold on Dean again. 

Somehow he fell asleep and was just woken up by his mother who was gently telling him to wake up and he managed to go into the living room before he collapsed on the couch and went out black again. When did he became so exhausted? He didn’t thought he was that tired when he woke up this morning but maybe it was the stress? The next time he woke up he was laying in his bed a blanket pulled to his chin and safely tucked in . God this day was strange. Maybe he learnt to teleport in his sleep or someone carried him in his room . Both are a possible option since he didn’t saw it happen and yes he was really tired to consider that teleporting was an option.

The next morning came faster than he wanted to .So he walked with a big groan in the kitchen and made himself breakfast. Sam was making himself a big bowl of sugary cereals and grinned and him sheepishly when Dean entered the room . “Mornin’ “ Dean mumbled and sat down 

“You look tired you know?” Sam said and took a big spoon of his sugary cereals . 

“Yeah .. I am “Dean said and yawned loudly .He was tired as hell but never in his life did he feel better to be honest . It was like a big weight had fallen of his shoulders that he didn’t even know existed and now he was free from it . John was gone long gone and maybe if the universe would be nice to him he will be gone forever or if the universe decided not to be nice he can at least hire a hitman . Money certainly wasn’t the problem . 

His mother entered the room and looked so relaxed Dean had never seen her before . This was like the stupid upper class white families he saw on Tv were the biggest problem was for them if they wanted to travel to Italy or Spain and Dean had to say this was relaxing. So maybe Karma finally was nice to him and he could get a normal life without John . They all seemed more settled down and Dean even started to like Crowley . So yes he was happy . 

The next day everyone in school stared at him and of course everyone knew that John went to jail but this didn’t bother him anymore because everything was fine now. Cas nearly ran him over as soon as he saw him and kissed him from head to toe .

“Dean I’m so damn proud of you “Cas said and smiled at him like a drunken idiot. Dean beamed with pride when he registered Cas’ words . He made Cas proud and that felt Fricking good .Cas kissed him again and Dean never felt better than this in his whole life.   
The rest of the day was normal and then his day got considerably better when this happened. 

“where is Gadreel?” Dean asked curious because he hadn’t seen this idiot in a while. 

“ Didn’t you hear? He changed schools a two weeks ago … His parents sent him to a boarding school because of the shit he pulled in the last months” one of his teammates said and Dean would lie when he’d said that this didn’t make him burst out with laughter. So Yes sometimes the universe would be fair even to him . 

When he went home Sam particularly hauled himself over his laptop that was laying on the couch. Well that was strange? Did Dean caught him watching porn? Or why is he suddenly acting so shady and nervous?

“Everything alright?” Dean asked cautious .   
“Yes of course why not? Nothing is wrong .” Sam said way too fast to be believable but then maybe Dean actually caught him watching porn . So he just shrugged and went to his room. 

Dean laid down on his bed . He knew how cheesy that sounded –god he got far too emotional since he arrived here the second time- but he felt like this was finally his home and that his seemingly never-ending journey finally stopped . He was home like he was actually home and felt like he belonged here .He never really felt like this before and if this feeling would stay then damn he would consider him to be the happiest person alive .Maybe he was a bit extravagating it but he thought that maybe he could finally let himself be happy in his life. He let himself be happy because he finally thought that he deserved a bit of happiness in his life and this was a huge step for him. He changed from a future homeless drug addict with not future chances to a guy who had a family that loved him , a boyfriend that loved him and with the possible chance to actually do something with his life . Yes that felt good and then the thought of actually succeeding something in his life made him smile brighter than anything ever before. He wouldn’t end like John miserable in prison and yes this was a mental punch Dean gave his father because when he’d become better than him he knew that he wasn’t destined to be a fuck up . Maybe he had to endure a bit of shit in his life to be actually grateful for what he had now? Maybe this was the plan from the start , maybe it wasn’t but Dean didn’t care because well he was happy and this was the only thing that mattered .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay :( i just caught some pretty unpleasant illness:/ but i hope you this chapter:)


	37. Forget the past

Dean knew immediately something was up when his mum had the same expression on her face like she had when she was in the hospital. So either somebody had died or something was wrong again with Dean's life . Maybe John got out?Well technically he shouldn't but his dad was a crazy maniac and Dean wouldn't be surprised actually .

“everything alright?” Dean asked and just hoped for an yes or a nod or anything that stopped his inner rising panic that was slowly crawling through his while body.

“l need to talk with you about something” Oh that didn't sound good at all. That's the shit you say if you want to dump your girlfriend or just drove over your kid's dog. At least that is what Hollywood says.

“Yeah ..okay? “ Dean had the urge to just turn around and go back in his room but this wouldn't be a smart move because it wasn't like his mother couldn't follow him .

“I talked with your social worker again and she mentioned that therapy might be a good next step for you . It's totally your decision and we won't force you to go but we think that it's actually a good idea because you had quite a though year and maybe need someone neutral to talk about that . “ She looked at him with pleading eyes like she expected him to bolt and run away- okay Dean had to mention that he actually did that in any stressful situation but whatever-.

“Okay sure. “ His mum seemed to need a few seconds to actually progress that he didn't yell or freaked out on her and agreed with her . She genuinely looked surprised but it wasn't a bad idea and maybe it was helpful . He could give it at least a try and maybe he was still a bit slow because he just woke up .

“Great “ she said after a long pause. “We could look later through some therapist nearby?”

“Sure “ Dean smiled at her and he could literally see how all the tension left her body .

  
  


And that was the reason why he sat on a Wednesday evening with Cas in the waiting room for his new therapist who was apparently pretty good in what she was doing . Mrs Keller was one the best in her field and also a college friend from Crowley which was just slightly creepy . Mostly because Dean had now a female version of Crowley in his head .

  
  


“I don't wanna go anymore “ Dean said and looked at Cas who just smiled reassuring.

  
  


“it won't be so bad and you can leave anytime you want I'm waiting outside the whole time “  
  
  


“you're awesome Cas you know that?” Dean said but still he wasn't so sure about everything. He still thought about any possible escape route but then a middle-aged woman came into the waiting room .

She looked at Dean “you are Dean Winchester ?” Dean nodded and felt a slightly pang of confusion how she knew who he was but then again his mum already talked with her beforehand .

“Yeah “ Dean said and stood up .

The therapy room or whatever it's called looked nice and modern with some fancy white chairs that are probably from a European designer and bookshelves filled with hard cover books.

“My name is Lorraine Keller and I have to inform you that everything here is confidential and won't leave this room . “ Dean didn't really care about that aspect but still good to know.

  
  


They had some kind of awkward smaltalk -she was probably already analysing everything he said – before he said while gesturing

“I'm not good in all these .. things” . He wasn't so sure any more why he had agreed to see a therapist and the woman in front of him who didn't look like a typical therapist -to be honest the only therapist Dean ever saw were the ones in movies . Therefore his image of a therapist might be a bit far from reality – and she was far too smiley and thoughtful for his liking.

  
  


“What are these things?” she asked and Dean had to stop himself from groaning . Why was talking suddenly so hard? Goddammit .

  
  


“Feelings ..and talking about problems .I don't know ? I don't even know why I should start talking about them now .I was totally -well not totally – fine before .”

Mrs Keller smiled at him before saying ,“ Your mother told me what happened in the last months and in her opinion you aren't doing so fine”

  
  


Dean wanted to jump in her face .Yes he was that desperate .

“That's because-.. they are different .” Well said Dean thought while She noted something on her notepad . What a cliché Dean thought .

  
  


“What makes them different ?” 'Everything' Dean wanted to say but then she would surely ask if he could be a bit more specific.

  
  


So he decided that this might be a good answer, “Their whole lives are different . Okay my mum knows a bit how it feels like. They think I'm doing so bad but I'm feeling so much better than before .They just don't get it you know? I mean Sam grew up with a nearly perfect family , with a mum and a dad , a house and just the normal things like school or friends? I'm not jealous -okay maybe a bit- but I never had anything like that. I literally woke up not knowing if I eat anything that day or if I just stay hungry. I didn't have fancy clothes or even friends . Their standard for 'feeling-good' is just much higher than mine . “ Sam grew up with tons of money , friends and opportunities while Dean was only certain that he'd either end up in jail or homeless of he'd stayed with John.

“I see. You think that they are wrong in their assumptions ?”

“I don't know .. maybe? They come from a different background and had different lives . I mean they could be right .. I don't know . I think the problem is that I had just a few directions in my life when I still lived with .. John . The greatest one of them being me getting kicked out someday and working some minimum wage job that I probably hate . “

Dean didn't mention the other ones because the other options aside from being homeless and jail would be death because he was sure that someday John would have killed him in a drunken rage . “I had a few options to chose and I could live with that but now it's harder. Like I'm floating in an endless room with tons of different doors to choose but I can't decide which is the right one. “ ´That was the worst part . Dean wasn't afraid of doing something wrong before but now he was scared shitless .

  
  


“because I have something to lose now”

  
  


“how was it?” Cas asked but Dean just kissed him like they didnt saw each other for a life time. God he really loved Cas .

“it was okay “ Cas smiled smugly .

 

“told you so”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry! There was some problems with my laptop and life got 1000x times more complicated in the past months but that doesn't really matter .Just that you know I'm still finishing this work and everything will work out .

**Author's Note:**

> So thanks for reading my fic ! It was just an idea that popped up i my head that i might continue here:D


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